Like a garden fed by four seasons, a cycle of change.
Everybody has to change, or they expire.
Everybody has to leave.
Everybody has to leave their home and come back
so they can love it again for all new reasons.
I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes,
so things keep getting born in me,
so things keep dying when it is time for things to die.
I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago,
because a mind was made to figure things out,
not to read the same page,
to be the same thing
recurrently.

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave.

I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always near.

But the comfort of you near is what I long for.

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same.

When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray.

I want you more than I want to live another day.

As I wait for you,

maybe I'm made more

faithful.

Whoa, slow down!

Good golly, it feels like yesterday I was writing about how I wished summer would hurry up and get here and now look, it's the end of July and school starts in exactly a month. Shoot. Well, July was a pretty good one.

Spent some time in New Orleans with some guy:

My cousins made a special appearance in Belton, and I am ashamed to say that this is the best picture I got:
Julie, my fantastic roommate, friend, and baking buddy turned 22!:

Lots of other things happened also. I think Kenzie, our dog, is working on a world record of most birds killed by one dog in a summer. I'm getting a little sick of cleaning up feathers and stiff, dead bird carcasses (tmi, i know. sorry.) I have 3 more books that I really want to read this summer, not sure if I'm up for the challenge, but we'll see.

I'm not ready for school. Summer is just too great. I'm sure when the time does come though it will be nice to have a set schedule, and I'm looking forward to all the new things I'm going to learn.

That's all for now.

Away we go

Sweetest movie ever.
Seriously.
Loved it.

It's going under the list of movies that I could watch over and over again. Like Garden State, Elizabethtown, and School of Rock (that one, not because it's a fantastic movie, but it just has a special place in my heart).

When the movie ended I looked over at Robyn, my eyes a little watery, and said "can we rewind it and just watch it again?" Unfortunately, that's not an option at movie theatres or I totally would have.

Go watch it.

Dreaming big (or crazy and unrealistic)

Last night I had the coolest dreams.
I would wake up from one and say to myself "wow that dream was awesome." then fall back asleep and another awesome one would come along.

I dreamt of a beach, I don't know where it was. Probably Hawaii since about a million people I know are in Hawaii right now and the level of jealously is pretty high. But I had a really cute swimsuit and some cool clothes to go with it. I've always had this idea that I would be good at surfing (I realize this idea is probably not rational at all, but that's what dreams are for). So I got to go surfing, and yeah, I rocked. I got up on the first try and then rode these monster waves as all my friends cheered. Ha. It was so cool.

Later I had a dream that I was shopping with Kelsey and Julie in Roundrock. First off, we won some sort of card that we could buy anything we wanted with. There was only one rule: it had to be cute and stylish. Cool rule right? Well, even cooler than that rule was the judge of what was stylish and cute was Chad Michael Murray. Ha, I know. So Chad walked around with us while we shopped. Since one thing was realistic in this dream: we all three had boyfriends, we decided it would be a good idea to hook Natalie up with Chad, since we're always trying to hook her up, and Chad really was a great guy in person. We called Nat up and she immediately jumped in a helicopter and flew to Roundrock from Hawaii where her and Chad had their first kiss. Ah, such a romantic ending.

I had a couple more neat dreams, but those two were definitely my top 2 favs.
I love dreams.

I just got finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. He's funny and had a style of writing that I loved. I want to read the book again sometime, after I've read some others that are on the list.

During a chapter on love my mind was going a million different directions and I had to put the book down and think. A message I heard and discussed some on Sunday about judging was playing into my thoughts. My thought, or question rather: Where do you draw the line between judging and tolerance?

It's a difficult line to draw, in my opinion. On one side of the line is judgement, accountability, what some see as righteous actions. On the other side of the line is acceptance, some may call it tolerance. How do we meet in the middle?

I think love can be on both sides.
People who strive for and desire to keep people accountable love just as much as people who accept, I think. When discussing the issue of accountability and church discipline even, I have heard many people say "well, you just have to make sure your heart is in the right place, that you are not coming with a judging heart." That I think is much more difficult than people who say that think it is.

Speaking the truth in love, that's hard stuff.

Miller had some insight in Blue Like Jazz that really stuck to me. He writes about how when speaking the truth in love, the conversation needs to be true. He says there are two conversations going on when you are talking to some one. The first, what your mouth is saying. The second is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, what you really feel and think. He says if both conversations aren't true then God is not involved in the exchange, we are on our own and on our own, we lead people astray.

What I got from this is yes, we do need to have our motives straight. Love needs to be the only reason and we should never try and change someone. It's not our job.

I do not think it is an easy thing to do. Love in a way that judgement isn't there. In my own heart I feel like it might be nearly impossible. I see aspects though of my own life where I would greatly appreciate and accept that kind of accountability.

The kind that isn't judgemental nor tolerant, but loving.

Wrinkly

I just love this picture.
Can't think of anything to write.
Cash's wrinkly baby feet will have to do.