What will be left when I've drawn my last breath besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me? Will I discover the soul saving love or just the dirt above and below me?

Dear 2009,

A whole year has passed since I wrote this. I really love that post for several reasons. One, I was open and honest; something that I have kind of stopped being with my writing some of the time. Two, it is fun to read my thoughts from a year ago. I think that might be my favorite part about blogging, going back and reading what you wrote. I also like that particular post because it helps me remember what my goals for the year were, and opens my eyes to either the progress or the digression that has taken place. Mostly, when I look back on 2008 I see progress. I learned a lot this year. I grew so much in knowledge of the word and learned to understand and appreciate the magnificent love of the Lord more than I ever have before.

Some parts of my life however, were unfortunately left untouched. The parts that are hard and ugly, I stayed away from. That right there shows me that I didn't live 2008 with complete faith. I wish I could say that I planted my feet %100 on the solid ground of truth says, "And the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." I believe that. I do. But I didn't live like I believed it...which kinda shows that I don't believe it. I lived in a way that says to the Lord "I cannot be restored. There is just too much".

This year I want to act upon that truth. When 2010 rolls around the bend I want to read this and think about how far I have come, how many walls God has broken down and see how much of the nasty I have finally let go of and given to him. This is going to take courage for me. I can say with complete certainty that the hardest part of my Christian walk so far has been revisiting, and letting go. It is so hard for me to forgive, and that is sin. It is so hard for me to have true faith that God can restore all evil, and that is not believing.

It is hard to write that because I desire to believe with the strongest of faiths. But it doesn't come easy, and in 2008 I think I stayed on the easy road most of the time.

So 2009, you are going to be another year of growth. But because of my desire to grow and change in some of the toughest areas, you are probably going to be a little bit of a painful year too. I'm willing to accept that, and I won't hold it against you if it hurts too bad because I know it will be worth it. I'm excited to see what you have in store, 2009. I have a lot to be excited about. Here I go.

Love, Allye

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

I can say with all honesty and joy that I experienced the beauty of Christmas this year. When I first began to type this I wanted to say "for the first time", but I'm not sure how true that would be. I think that every year since I have come to know the love of Jesus, I have grown more in my understanding for this season. This year however has a fresh and new feeling. I don't remember ever feeling more grateful for Jesus, more in awe of his sacrifice, more thankful for his love and peace, or more at rest in knowing he is in control. Of everything.

What a special Christmas it was. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Thank you for your peace Father.

holy slap myself in the head!

2 more finals to go, then just got to finish checkouts and I'm home free!

This past week has been really great. I've had a few opportunities to just sit back and think about how incredibly blessed I am. Not to brag, but seriously, really blessed.

Here's a sneak peak into what I am speaking of:

beautiful, beautiful girls

Kels with Luke's dino that we found while we were hiding in his loft waiting to pounce.sweet shea

I mean, not all my blessings can be put into pictures. But these are just some. Ready for Christmas, and being surrounded by more special, wonderful people I love.

7 days.

Today at the Vista we wrapped up our study of Philippians. What an encouragement, challenge and great learning experience it has been! Every Sunday I feel so blessed to be apart of such a great community of believers with a pastor that strives to teach truth by preaching the word.

As we recapped all we had talked about this semester I realized how selfish of an attitude I frequently have. I think I realized this because of Paul's attitude of selflessness. We talked about being content in all circumstances and how our society as a whole is so discontent in wants or "needs". We talked about how the Lord was sufficient for Paul. That He met his needs and most of all gave the gift, the magnificent sacrifice of his son. I need to remember and reflect on that so much more often than I am now.

Finals start this week. I cannot believe this semester is already about to be over! It is a wonderfully shocking fact. Tuesday is my last day in Bio Organic Chemistry. Still not sure how it's going to turn out in there...the final is next tuesday. I feel like if I make a C in that class then I can do anything.

Christmas is right around the corner, and I cannot wait. 7 days until break. 7 days.

"Because a sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free; For God, the Just, is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me."

Honest Thoughts

Pain is inevitable. Why then, do I stand back with my hands up saying stay away? Especially when I know that the promised pain will most likely lead to better things, and if not better, at least closure (which is better!). I stand back because I am scared. I stand back because I don't trust God's sovereign power like I should. I stand back because I am weak. I stand back because at times I have faith the size of a marble. I stand back in shame that I can't face it.

I want to jump in head first sometimes. Most of the time though, I don't even want my toes to dip in and feel. I think that if I just go for it, trust Him, put my feet in, kick around a little, then I will see that it's perfect. Maybe not comfortable at first, but perfect.