"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." -Mark Twain

Love is patient

This week has been rough. School wise, emotionally, physically. However, God has been so faithful in flooding me with his truths, love, peace and reassurance. It is amazing to me how the worst of weeks can be the best ones spiritually.

After a hard conversation on Tuesday night I took my stubborn heart to our weekly RA meeting, where God quickly spoke. Retta (my boss) spoke to us about patience. She mostly talked to us about being patient with our residents, co-workers, and herself. She read from 1 Corinthians 13 about how without love anything you do is in vain.

Love is patient.

That struck a chord with me and made my heart melt in repentance. How patient am I being in my relationships?

Decisions are hard. My heart feels heavy, but full. Full of his love.

And I am grateful.

"If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I need this old train to break down

After much anxiety and studying, this school day has come to an end. I am pleased to say that my first two tests of my nursing career are over. I'm not exactly sure what significance that has, if any, but it feels like an accomplishment in my head. Only 6 more this semester...and a bunch more after that.

My love for Jack Johnson has reemerged over the past couple days. I think it might be because of this weather. I remember when I first started listening to him I would sit in my room and read with the windows open. I like it when music has memories attached.

I've been feeling all sorts of conviction lately. I've even felt convicted about being convicted and not acting upon it. Sometimes I feel like I can write my feelings down so accurately, but with not with this topic. I'm sure it's because I'm not sure. I mean, when am I ever really sure though? Not often. That made no sense...moving on. After church I was reading Psalm 42:

"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."

I think usually I would read that and think "well, that's nice...such a good verse!" After the message on Sunday this verse left me feeling like I fall so short. The way that the people in scripture crave God seems foreign to me. Does my soul thirst for the living God like the deer's necessity to drink?!
No.
Dang.

I want to say that I desire that, but I'm not even sure if that would be complete honesty. Because in order to desire that deep craving, that relationship that isn't a choice but a need, that thirst, I think I'm going to have to let some pretty tall walls get broken down. Right now my fear of pain, my pride in thinking that I'm doing alright, my selfishness of wanting life to be easy & good, and my anger are blocking the way for any construction.

I need to breakdown.

Beautiful

Right now I have my windows open, I'm listening to a sweet mix of music made by this pretty great guy I know, and you know what? The fact that I have my first two nursing tests on monday doesn't stress me out as much as it did yesterday. This weather makes me feel so good. I like it a lot. I think I can even say that I love this weather. Yeah. It's good.

Regular 'ole update

I haven't really given a for real update on life in a while...so here it is:

School is good.

I have my nursing classes on Monday from 8-4. I've been encouraged by how much I enjoy them. Besides dosage calculations (which involves math), I have enjoyed sitting in class learning. I think every student in there is terrified to some degree because of the horribly scary things we have heard about nursing school, so the first couple of days were pretty tense. I'm not sure if we will ever really relax though...

I'm also in Microbiology, which you know if you read my top 5 funny moments the other day. We have lab on Wednesday and it is supposed to end at 4:20. Both times, we didn't get out until after 5 and we still weren't finished. Our teacher, who I really like a lot, told us that we can expect to spend 10 hours in the lab a week. 10 hours! Whoa baby! It's interesting though. Getting to look at little bacteria and viruses...really neat.

I'm taking a Gerontology class this semester which I am really enjoying as well. This class is based on lot of hands on experience and learning, and that is really cool. One of our major projects this semester is meet with a resident of a nursing home or retirement facility for 10 weeks. I met with my new friend Millard yesterday. He's 102 years old! He told me a few really neat stories...I can already tell I'm going to love getting to know him.

Besides school, everything else it good. I'm loving getting to spend a lot of time with friends. I'm grateful for them and the fun we have together. I've had a rough time with money this semester and it's about time that I get a job. I have a good idea of where I would like to work, but I think I'll do some more looking. Nothing stresses me more than money. I really don't like it. At all. Nothing relieves stress better than these people though:

Church is great. Dave, our pastor, is doing a sermon series right now about what our church is about, what mission statement means, what evangelism looks like to us as a church body, how we interpret scripture, etc. It's been an affirming series for me. I never doubted if I was at the right church, but hearing and seeing Christ in the center of everything our church is based on has been so great! Plus, we still are meeting in a school, and every once in a while get to play with the things kids make:

I guess that's about it.

love.

"When humans should have become as perfect in voluntary obedience as the inanimate creation is in its lifeless obedience, then they will put on its glory, or rather that greater glory of which Nature is only the first sketch."
-C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

Oh Funny Day

I realize it is nearly 1 in the morning. I realize that I should either be working on my math homework that is due in 7 hours or be sleeping so I can wake up early to do it. I realize that I probably shouldn't be sitting here at my computer typing this right now.

BUT. Today was such a funny day. So many funny things happened and I just want to remember this day for what it was. Hilarious.

I can't even write all the funny things but I will list my top 5:
1. After an hour long lecture about how to be safe in the lab Dr. Frederick (the microbiology professor) was showing us how to use the 70% ethanol to clean the counters. Right before he started this cleaning however, he informed us that this 70% ethanol is very dangerous and could cause *at least* blindness, if not death. Okay, so there he was, cleaning the counter. When he got done he set down the bottle pretty hard and it sprayed in Kelsey's eye. One might not think this would be number 1 on my top 5 funniest things of the day, but it was. Kelsey was okay, and as of 20 minutes ago she still has her sight.

2. Today in choir Mr. Mac asked Kendall to sing tenor at one part of the song and bass at another part of the song. Kendall leaned forward, tapped my shoulder and whispered "Allye, I need to confess something....I'm bisectional."

3. While in target today Kelsey was talking with way too much emotion and knocked her drink out of her hand and spilled it all over the place.

4. Mel was running out of the chapel after Focus like speedy Gonzales, tried to open a locked door and slammed into it super hard.

5. At Colton's birthday celebration tonight a bunch of us were laying on the love sac and someone jumped on top of us. I couldn't stop laughing. I laugh so hard that I cried so hard that my hair was wet.

I know number 5 doesn't sound very funny. And really, it wasn't. I just got so used to laughing today that it had to come out.
Oh funny day, i love you.