After much anxiety and studying, this school day has come to an end. I am pleased to say that my first two tests of my nursing career are over. I'm not exactly sure what significance that has, if any, but it feels like an accomplishment in my head. Only 6 more this semester...and a bunch more after that.
My love for Jack Johnson has reemerged over the past couple days. I think it might be because of this weather. I remember when I first started listening to him I would sit in my room and read with the windows open. I like it when music has memories attached.
I've been feeling all sorts of conviction lately. I've even felt convicted about being convicted and not acting upon it. Sometimes I feel like I can write my feelings down so accurately, but with not with this topic. I'm sure it's because I'm not sure. I mean, when am I ever really sure though? Not often. That made no sense...moving on. After church I was reading Psalm 42:
"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."
I think usually I would read that and think "well, that's nice...such a good verse!" After the message on Sunday this verse left me feeling like I fall so short. The way that the people in scripture crave God seems foreign to me. Does my soul thirst for the living God like the deer's necessity to drink?!
No.
Dang.
I want to say that I desire that, but I'm not even sure if that would be complete honesty. Because in order to desire that deep craving, that relationship that isn't a choice but a need, that thirst, I think I'm going to have to let some pretty tall walls get broken down. Right now my fear of pain, my pride in thinking that I'm doing alright, my selfishness of wanting life to be easy & good, and my anger are blocking the way for any construction.
I need to breakdown.
1 comment:
you're good people, sitting, waiting, wishing is good stuff. trust the holy spirit to be your middle man. if i could hang with you i would make banana pancakes.
get it?
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