Rest for the Weary

My last madrigal. Bitter sweet. Bitter: I am beginning to realize that the end of high school approaching, and fast, I'm halfway done, then I'm outta here. It will be sad to leave my amazing friends who have been my family since the olden days (middle school), to think about it being our last madrigal together was sad. Sweet: no more stressed chi chi (until after Christmas at least), no more decorating, no more repairing banners, no more cleaning the clothes closet, no more breaking champagne glasses, no more madrigal.

4 more days of school until Christmas break. That is wonderful. Sleeping in will be the best thing ever. I'm pumped.

This past week was hard. I was more physically and emotionally exhausted than I have been in a really long time. Normally when things get rough, I can think about it, pray about it, and sleep. But this week, the sleeping part was absent. My brain was constantly thinking of things, when I would try to think about not thinking about something, I would just start thinking again. So badly that even when I fell asleep my thoughts or fears would wake me up. Decision making is something I have never really been too gifted in, and unfortunately the decisions I am having to make right now aren't ones that I can just do halfheartedly. Not that any decisions in life should be, but it's not like I'm just deciding what to have for dinner, or what color to paint my nails, it's more like decisions that really could change the way things are for a really really long time. I'm not prepared to make those kinds of decisions I don't think. I keep trying to tell myself to not let fear overtake me, but the truth is, I am scared. Really, really scared. I know that the Lord will provide, I have felt His comfort this week, as I always do. I feel selfish for wanting more from Him, and I think that I know that the solution is to give Him more. More time in the word, more time in prayer-and He will guide me, and show me what it is I need to do here.

Lord, my heart belongs to you, prepare it for what you have to tell me. Guide me Father, give me strength.