Far too many times I have become angry with God over things that have happened in my life. Tonight has been one of those times. Maybe it's because I'm bogged down from a full day of chemistry. Maybe because I'm alone and don't have any distractions besides re-runs of the 10 o'clock news. Or maybe it's just because it happens sometimes...my mind wonders, and I'm reminded of this anger that I keep pushed back in the furthest corner of my mind. I've known for sometime now that I need to change that anger into forgiveness and love, but that is SO HARD for me. Tonight I was reminded of a truth that hit me in the gut so hard. The humbling truth that Jesus knows, and understands all the pain we have ever felt.
Why be angry when we can console in the One who knows?
Scripture tells us that God is all-powerful, all-sufficient, and all-knowing. He is sovereign over all. He created and sustains all life. Yet somehow, he who is all-powerful became weak. He who is all-sufficient became dependent. He who is all-knowing became finite. He became a baby. Babies can't do very much. They know almost nothing and are utterly dependent on others to take care of them. He who created life had to be fed. He who knew all had to be taught. He who sustained all had to be carried. Where we live, he has lived. Not only was he subject to to these things as a child, but also as an adult. Isaiah says he grew like "a root out of dry ground" (Isa. 53:2). That is just like some of us! The fact that we grew is amazing, all we had around us was dry ground. Nothing grows in dry ground. Yet somehow, from a barren place, we have grown in some measure.
Thirsty, yes.
Alone, yes.
So was he.
He who healed everything imaginable--the blind, the deaf, the crippled, the demonize, is scarred. The Healer felt pain beyond words. He knows. When we cry out to Jesus, He knows. He cried out. He entered into our suffering and abuse so that when we cry out to him with brokenness, we will know with certainty that we speak to the One who knows.
Amazing.
This amazing, humbling truth set me straight for about 45 seconds, then I felt angry again. I think it's because I have this insane necessity to feel like I understand WHY things happen. I'm fairly certain that the Lord probably will not reveal these things to me until I trust in His character completely. Oh, how I long for the day when I can say with complete honesty that I fully trust the character of the Lord!
My heart feels heavy because of the anger I feel sometimes. I know that it isn't right, I know that the Lord's character is more worthy of being trusted that anything! I know with certainty that when I cry out, he knows. Why then, am I still angry? I know that my awareness of this anger is a huge step from where I used to be, not feeling at all...but I really do despise it. I pray I will change.
Why be angry when we can console in the One who knows?
2 comments:
man, how i have been there. and how i wish i had some wisdom or an answer for you. but i don't. at least know that you're not alone. and if i ever figure out how to successfully turn anger into love, i will call you.
i love this post. you are so real and honest. i think you have found the solution to your anger...you are writing the powerful truths of God and the more you renew your mind with those things, the more He will become more of an experienced reality than your anger. thanks for writing.
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