It's going to be hard to follow up that last post, since it was the happiest day of my life so far, but I'll try.

Being engaged is wonderful. Because I worked all last week I didn't get to wear my ring. Well, I actually chose not to wear it because of what my job entails at times. I would put it on and stare at it the second I got home though. Andrew and I both agree that there are times where we remember "ohhh wow, we're engaged!", and while I can't speak for both of us, I know when that happens to me I can't stop smiling for about 5 minutes. I can't describe how special and blessed I feel that he chose me. It's pretty darn wonderful. I'm very excited for June.

Work was pretty dull last week. I did get to work in the ER one day and that was exciting. There was a car wreck about 50 feet away from the ER doors that day, no one was seriously hurt (besides the demolished bus stop) so I found it okay to laugh at how great it was that someone got in a car wreck right outside of an ER.

I went to Houston this weekend with Julie. We went to Andrew Peterson's Behold the Lamb of God concert (if you have never heard of this please do yourself a favor and click on that link, and listen now). It was such an awesome concert...I can't wait to go again someday! I loved it. Julie and I spent the rest of the weekend in Houston. Spent time with her family (love them), and I got to meet a bunch of her friends from home. It was a good time.

Now I'm back at our cozy apartment listening to Christmas music and wrapping presents with our balcony door open because it's 65 degrees outside in December. Insane, but I'll take it.

I love that little tree back behind me there. Last year it stayed up in our house until March, when the Grinch (allie) decided to take it down while we were all at school/work. Here it is last year...also look how short my hair was!

Tonight is my last night in the apartment until after Christmas so I'm soaking up the soft glow and cool breeze. By this time tomorrow night I'll be in Cleburne waiting for Andrew to pull up from New Orleans. By this time next year I'll be sitting my the tree with my husband. Eeeee!!

I hope you have a very happy Christmas. Remember why we celebrate...and celebrate that with joy in your heart!

The most perfect moment

A lot has happened since I have last written to you, the dear blogging world. Prepare yourself for a loooong post.

When I wrote that last post on the morning of Andrew's birthday, December 9th, I had no idea that later that day I would be engaged to him.

That's right, we're engaged!

I could go on and on about how happy I am, how I feel like I'm floating on a cloud, or sliding down a rainbow, or something else totally cheesy (but true) like that. I still get butterflies thinking about seeing him kneel down and and tell me sweet words about how he wants to live life with me and love me forever, and I don't think they will ever stop. Everything in that moment was perfect.

Julie, my very sneaky roommate, called me while I was napping to tell me that she had a really hard day and came to have a moment at the park and locked her keys in her car. She asked me to come get her and take her to the apartment to get a spare key. So I rolled out of bed, put on some jeans and obliviously drove to the spot where I would get engaged. Here's a picture of the sneaky people themselves waiting for me to show up:

After he proposed (and I said yes) we hugged for a while, mostly so I could convince myself that I wasn't dreaming. I told him that he was so sneaky and he said "so are they..." We turned around and his parents were there snapping pictures.

I feel so grateful to be entering such a wonderful, loving family.

We celebrated at Stagecoach Inn, a cute little restaurant in Salado, spent some time with Andrew's aunt and uncle in Temple, and then hung out with Julie at our apartment. It was the best evening of my life so far.

My sweet fiance (can't figure out how to put the accent over the e) helped me move into my new apartment on Friday, and then on Saturday my soul friend, Robyn (you can find her here and here and here and here) took some engagement pictures of us. I love them, and have to show a few of them off...

Robyn, thank you so much! Everyone needs to go click on those first two links and check her amazingness out.

Alright, massive post is coming to an end. Thank you for reading.

Until next time,

Engaged Allye

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday to my favorite person in the whole wide world!

Thank you for making the world a brighter place, love.

Now for some old and new pictures of the birthday boy himself:

Check out that hair and beard! Intense.

Now check out THIS hair. Intense.

I could keep going, but I'm sure it's getting old. "Getting old" is probably not an appropriate thing to say in a birthday post.

Anyway, happy birthday Andrew!

I love you.

OH HAPPY DAY

I passed this semester! OHHH my. If I could bottle this type of joy and give it away for Christmas I totally would because it's fantastic. My study pals Bryn and Katie passed too, which makes the happiness even more magnificent.

We're graduating in 5 months. (!!!)

I've been dancing to this song today:

So happy this long, frustrating, incredibly hard, pretty much awful semester is over.

Dream land

I've been having really weird dreams lately.

Well, actually they have been quite normal. And that is weird for me.

Okay, let me explain...

My dreams are always crazy, unexplainable, and just plain weird. I usually remember them, and sometimes even apply them to my life. Last night when Andrew and I were talking he used an analogy referencing one of my past crazy dreams, I just went along with it for a while and then realized we were speaking in "Allye dreamland language". It was fun. Anyway, I have crazy dreams.

But lately my dreams have been very normal (which is weird to me). I've been having these dreams that when I wake up I can't remember if it was reality or dream. I had a dream that my friend Chelsea wrote on Andrew's wall "hey! we need to hang out over christmas!". The next day I was on facebook and remembered that so I went to Andrew's wall to comment on it something like "hey! I'm your friend!! but i'm glad you want to hang out with Andrew..." and come to find, it didn't exist.

I have had to start many conversations lately like this: "Okay, so I don't know if this was a dream or not, but..."

Frankly, it was getting old and confusing.

I attribute it to stress. (?) Because I had my first non-reality dream last night!!

Oh, I forgot to mention that I AM DONE WITH SCHOOL FOR THE SEMESTER! I still don't have my grades, so who knows, I could've failed. But nevertheless, I'm DONE until January.

Shhh- listen, you can hear the angels singing.

So, I dreamt a weird dream. I woke up after it SO excited. The dream was Andrew and I were at his parents house. He was wearing these metal baseball cards as necklaces (extra weird dream detail- all the player's faces were punched out) when in disgust he realized they were dirty. He asked me to clean them, but specified "only clean their feet". Well, I thought that was absurd. Why would I just clean the metal baseball players feet?! I'll clean the WHOLE metal baseball card. Well as I cleaned, Andrew noticed what I was doing and he got very angry, snatched them away, and told me that he would get his mom to do it because she knows how to do it THE RIGHT WAY. I was a little upset, but it didn't last for long because then my dream transitioned into me at Pioneer Woman's house learning how to make bread. It smelled like the Mrs. Baird's factory in there, and it was glorious. Andrew didn't get to come with me to Pioneer Woman's house because he was busy monitoring the metal baseball card cleaning, but I'm sure if he did he would have looked like this:

Ah, it feels to good to be weird again.

Also, Nacho (the cutest dog on the planet) wants to wish you all a Merry Christmas:

Yet another countdown post

Because I enjoy these so much:

-1 (ONE) day until this semester is OVER

-4 days until I'm done with RA duties

-5 days until I move in with Ju!

-16 days until I'm done working and ready to celebrate Christmas

-19 days until CHRISTMAS

-35 days until my LAST semester of college begins. This also means around 34 days of no school time. Magical.

-152 days until graduation.

Do not fear.

Our first real final is tomorrow. This is echoing in my mind:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

To: December

Wow December,

How did you get here so fast? I really do feel like you were just here in some ways, and in other ways it feels so long ago.

I really like you, December. Your chilly weather, hats, scarves, sweaters. Pretty lights. Christmas music. So much giving, happiness, love. The joy of remembering the birth of our Savior.

You're just incredible.

Tonight we decorated the lobby for Christmas. I also attended my last RA meeting ever. I'm going to miss these crazies a whole heck of a lot...

The only bad thing you bring sweet December, are finals. And even those are kind of good, but only because they mark the end.

Thank goodness for the end.

In 5 days I will be done with this semester.

5 months away from graduating.

See- you bring a lot to look forward to, buddy. And for that, I thank you.

Thanks for being so awesome, December.

Much love from your number one fan,

Allye

Thankful

In the spirit of continuing last year's thankful post, and continuing to remember and reflect on what I have to be grateful for, here are 10 things that I'm thankful for this year.

(If you click on the link to last year's post, don't expect this year to be much different and exciting. Not much in my life has changed in a year.)

1. That Christ sought me and bought me. I'm thankful for the price Jesus paid to cleanse me from my sin and make me holy and righteous. I'm thankful for how that love, that comfort, that security has changed my life. I'm thankful to be His.

2. Andrew. I'm not going to get as mushy as last year. All those things are still so very true, if not even more than they were; but I just don't see the need to put you through the mushiness. Basically though, I've learned things this year about love that I never dreamed of learning. It's crazy how loving someone so much, and being loved back can heal, and teach. Thankful. That word just doesn't seem like enough. It doesn't do what I feel justice, but it will do.

3. Julie. My sweet, sweet Julie bean, Juju, mama, Jules. If I were to start typing about all the times I've been thankful for her this year I may be able to write a book. I can't wait to live with this girl again. I enjoy every minute we have together, and the next 5 months are going to be bliss.

4. RAs. This semester has been INSANE. If you know have talked to me, or any of the other Burt RAs, you know this is not a understatement. Through all the craziness though, the 6 other women that help run this place have been my backbone. Christi, Sarah, Maddie, Lauren, Meghan, and Jayelyn have helped me learn what the word team really means. I can't say that I'm going to miss it all that much, but I definitely will miss them.

5. Nursing family. Last year I was thankful for nursing school as a whole. I'm finding it a little harder to muster up the gusto to say I'm thankful for nursing school this year. Probably because I feel like I've been hanging on for dear life this whole semester. This semester I had my first "nursing school breakdown", you know, the one I swore would never happen to me. This semester officially took my nursing school toughness away. However, even though I may not be as thankful for nursing school as a whole at this point in my journey, I am increasingly thankful for the people who have walked this road with me. I love them. All 52 of them. And I can't wait to celebrate with ALL of them in May.

6. Friends and relationships that aren't changed by time or distance. This year I find myself separated from more of my friends that I am close to. I have loved learning how to do friendship this way. Just seeing each other every couple of months. You would think it would be hard, but it's not really. The second I hug my friend that I haven't seen in months it's like we've been hanging out every day again.

7. Hardy Hall. This may take a few of you by surprise because Hardy gets a lot of smack talk about it's food (which most of the time I think is heavenly). Okay, so maybe heavenly is a bit of an exaggeration, but I still love it. It's been so nice to be able to walk next door and have a hot, yummy, prepared dinner waiting to be eaten. I think it takes a year of fending for yourself food wise to appreciate this one.

8. Great friends that are here. I didn't write number 6 in hopes to make all my friends here close to me feel lousy, because Lord knows how thankful I am for them! Nothing but thankfulness fills my heart when I think about the friendships I've made living here the past 4 years. I always have somewhere to go, and someone to talk to. I'm so glad Robyn still lives close. I love that I live in the same building as a few of my favorite people. I'm grateful that there's a campus full of (mostly) sweet people surrounding me. I have learned so much from making friends with women who are older than me and in completely different stages of life, being godly wives, raising little souls. That alone has grown me up, and taught me more about life and living than I could have learned sticking in my comfortable bubble.

9. My job. As crazy as it may be, I love it. I have learned SO much from this job. Mostly how to be relational to people who are not like me AT ALL. Before I started working at the VA, I probably would have considered that one of my strengths. That was before I met the veterans. They have taught me what assertiveness really means, or at least how necessary it is for survival in the nursing profession. Especially among old men who are used to being tough, independent, stubborn, and sometimes just plain crazy. Robyn has accused the VA of making me a "mean nurse" a few times. While I don't think I'm mean (unless of course you try to blow vomit in my face...which is a story for another day), the VA has made me a whole lot more assertive. That's my "take home lesson" (as Dr. Sapp would say) from the VA. Assertiveness is key. I've learned lots of other important lessons from the (sometimes) sweet, crazy, stubborn men that I will carry with me always. And of course the funny stories. I'm thankful for those, too.

10. Family. It's everywhere. The meaning of family is so vast for me. Vast in a beautiful way that has me thanking God every day for the love I've received through his people.

Wow. Sorry I got so long winded.

I'm sure you're thankful that all this thankfulness is over.

Oh, but guess what, there's more...

...I'm thankful for you.

even if you are a blog stalker. (i'm honored)

Psalm 100

A Psalm for giving thanks.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!

Serve the Lord with gladness!

Come into his presence with singing!

Know that, the Lord, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,

and his courts with praise!

Give thanks to him; bless his name!

For the Lord is good;

his steadfast love endures forever,

and his faithfulness to all generations.

Sapphire rings and onion rings

You may or may not have heard that Prince William got engaged to that really beautiful girl with awesome hair up there named Kate. Sooo, I guess she's actually "Future Princess Kate" and not just really beautiful girl with awesome hair Kate.

I don't really keep up with what's going on in the world so I didn't know until yesterday morning when Andrew was sitting in the DFW airport (probably half asleep watching the news) at 5 in the morning. Why do I assume he was watching the news? Well, airports always have the news on. And, the only other way Andrew would know or care about this information was if it was on sports center or the Daily Show with John Stewart...which I don't think they play in the airport except maybe in those crummy looking random airport sports bars, which I don't think are open at 5am.

Anyway that's kind of beside the point, or not the point at all actually. I get this text from him:

Andrew: Did you see the ring Prince William gave to his fiance? Thats what I was gonna get you but he pulled rank on me..."oh i'm the prince" and whatnot.

Me: Ha. I didn't see it. But I believe you.

Andrew: Yep. It was princess Diana's. Huge blue sapphire with diamonds around it.

Me: Oh wow. Eh, well I'm glad you didn't get me that. :)

Andrew: Ha. Yeah. I mean come on. It's used.

Me: For real! I have much higher standards than that Andrew!

Want to know something else funny?

When I google searched for a picture of the ring this is one of the pictures that showed up:

A gigantic sapphire AND gluten-free onion rings?! Future Princess Kate is one lucky gal.

I don't know how to title this post (that's how interesting it is!)

It has been a really productive day. I still have so much to do, but because I've been productive I'm allowing myself to blog.

I crossed two really big things off of my to-do sticky note on my computer. Really, I just highlighted them and pressed 'delete', which by the way is not nearly as rewarding as scribbling a line through it, but it still felt good.

I am sick. Again.

I know, ridiculous right? I agree.

I've been feeling it coming on for the past few days so I loaded up on vitamin c, tried to get extra sleep and drink more water than usual, but I guess my sad little immune system couldn't beat it.

Katie put up with all my hacking and gasping for breaths today and we finished our research project AND psych project.

Bam! Take that sickness!

I'm glad Katie and I have each other. She's the best study buddy in the whole wide world.

Now I'm sitting on my bed listening to Andrew Peterson's Behold the Lamb of God cd (it's not too early. PS- if you don't have this in your Christmas repertoire, you must get it, asap. or at least after thanksgiving), sipping on hot chocolate, trying to convince myself to read about depression, eating disorders, personality disorders, and bi-polar disorder. Sounds like a fun evening, huh?

Speaking of Christmas music. (I know, this is completely random) Look at this way too cute to be true wrapping paper from Antropologie:

I'm horrible at wrapping presents, but I always try really hard to make them look cute, and it's one of my goals in life to get better. These sent me over the edge. A present that is wrapped pretty is just so much more fun. Maybe I'll get creative this year.

I love this time of year.

Besides finals.

2 more tests and I'm Thanksgiving bound! With so much to be thankful for.

What a great evening.

Brooke Fraser, you're amazing.

Things to be happy about

I promise I'll write again. It may not be until Christmastime, but it will happen. Until then, bullets are my blog's go-to best friend.

-I took my last test (besides the final) in my Care of the Critically Ill class today and am (by the amazing grace of God) passing! I'm still going to have to do pretty dang well on this final, but it feels so very doable. Grateful.

-Tomorrow after 13 hours at the hospital I will get to see my favorite artist of the moment, Brooke Fraser in concert with my soul friend. So very, very excited.

-Just a mere 14 days left until Thanksgiving break. Happy for many reasons.

-I have great classmates that make me smile in the most frustrating moments of our journey together. I love my nursing fam. Couldn't do it without them.

-It's chilly. Not too hot and not too cold. I wore a short sleeved t-shirt and a knitted hat today, nothing quite like fall in Texas.

-Andrew is in Hawaii. Why does this make me happy? I'm not really sure. I guess because I like him quite a lot and I know he's happy, and it makes me happy to think about him being happy in Hawaii. Plus, being happy with him is a whole lot better than being jealous that I'm not with him. Ha. Complicated happiness.

-Tomorrow is Wednesday, which means this week is half over, and then I'll one week closer to graduating college.

Hallelujah.

One of those countdown posts

It's pouring down rain. I'm sitting in the RA office trying to come up with ways to keep myself from falling asleep.

One more hour.

More importantly, only 4 more weeks of duty.

Speaking of things I'm looking forward to...

21 days until Thanksgiving break.

34 days until my last final exam. Ever. (!) So crazy. I mean, we'll have tests next year but no finals...just NCLEX prep. JUST NCLEX, the biggest test of my life. No biggie.

that last one also counts for 34 days until the end of the semester.

Which also means 38 days until the dorm closes. Goodbye crazy girls!

And 39 days until I move in with Julie and our furry friend Kenz again (excited!)

Then a big ole break of working and hanging out with Andrew and family.

69 days until my LAST SEMESTER of college begins.

Jump forward a few months...

139 days until Spring Break. I know it's lame that I'm already looking forward to it, but I can't help it, it's my favorite break. The best memories happen on Spring Break. Plus, it's my last break as a college student. It will be wonderful. No matter what.

156 days until I'm double deuce. Old.

And the most exciting of them all.....(drumroll please)....

185 days until GRADUATION!!!

Happy Halloween

We never carved pumpkins in my family. I think my grandparents were sure that we would kill one another, and we probably would. So we painted pumpkins. We also wore huge old t-shirts.

Things I love about this next picture: My hair. Those bangs are ridiculous, so is the scrunchy. Austin's (brother) smile. He was the cutest kid. Asa (sister) coming out of the house squealing. How I'm sitting. I think it's adorable.

More proof of my crazy bangs: (and overalls, and shirt with smiley faces) And OMGTHECUTESTPUPPYEVER! That's my favorite dog Daisy. She lived 14 years and died an ugly dog who snorted every time she breathed and had no teeth. I loved her all the same.

We would also make these creepy things. Halloween meant we got to color on sheets and pillowcases! What a treat. My grandparents lived out in the country so we didn't go trick or treating, but we did get to create these creatures to put on the side of the road. I wonder how many wrecks these things caused.

This was the year that Austin and I were both clowns and Ryan and Alex were Simba and Nalla from lion king. I was so mad I had to be a stupid clown and wear stupid makeup when Ryan and Alex got to be LIONS! So not fair. But it makes a funny picture. Haha.

Hope you enjoyed my blast from the past.

A good day

Yesterday was an awesome exhausting day. I worked on the ICU step down unit (where patients go after they are well enough to get out of the ICU, but still not well enough to go to a regular MedSurg floor, or home).

It was a unique day because I didn't have any of my classmates with me, they were all on other floors.

It was scary riding the elevator to the third floor waving goodbye to my friends, my comfort, and then riding up three more floors alone.

I wanted the elevator to keep going, up or down, I didn't care. I just did not want to face the day alone.

Well, the elevator didn't keep going. It stopped. The computerized voice echoed "6th floor". I took a deep breath and slowly walked toward the unit that would change my attitude of this semester.

You see, this semester I have not been sure that I am doing the right thing. With almost every class, every test, every clinical day I have wondered "why am i doing this?". That's not a good thing to wonder when you're in a bunch of debt for a great nursing education.

Yesterday though, I remembered. And oh, it felt so good.

The unit was understaffed and the nurse I was supposed to shadow was very overwhelmed. She immediately handed me two patient's charts and said "They are yours. Let me know if you need anything". My heart raced, I think I started sweating. I was scared. What if I messed up? What if I gave someone the wrong medication? AHHHHHH.

After the initial fear wore off, I took off. And it was SO fun. I felt like a real nurse. My patients were great. One even got to go home, so I got a new one. I did the admit all by myself.

The day got crazy and stressful at many moments, but that's how it goes. Being a nurse is sometimes crazy and stressful.

I liked it.

My instructor came up to check on me at one point when I was charting and she said "how do you feel?" I said "like a nurse." She smiled and so did I.

It was such a good day.

My legs are sore today from all the running around, and I love it.

A little more than 6 months and I'll hopefully be feeling that way every day.

Yay.

What a whirlwind week it was!

I felt like shutting down after my psych test on Tuesday. That class is so challenging for me. Well, so is everything else this semester, it seems. I don't know what the deal is.

I couldn't shut down. At all. In fact, I didn't get to bed until after 1am Tuesday night which completely defeats the purpose of me changing my RA duty night to Mondays.

I woke up extra early on Wednesday because I was so nervous about my first day in ICU. And just in case you're wondering what extra early means--4am. Well 3:50am to be exact, but that's just getting too technical.

Anyway, I was on the Surgical intensive care unit and it was intense care for sure (by the way, I am so exhausted that I just spelled for "f-u-r", stared at it thinking "that does not look right" and finally figured out what was wrong about 20 seconds later). Horrible spelling aside, besides the crazy about of butterflies and a random case of VERY congested ears on my part, it was a good day. Let me just tell you, the ICU is not a good place to have fluid filled ears. All the dinging of alarms and IV machines was echoing and driving me cray cray.

I don't think I'm made for the ICU. I was nervous all day. It could be because of many things: unfamiliar environment, dizziness because of the congested ears (i was SO worried I was going to have another J1 fainting experience), ventilators (they scare me big time), and just really sick patients. I also feel so inexperienced in that environment. Almost stupid even. It's all feels way over my head. I guess that means that I have a lot to learn. If I can get over feeling so uninformed and worrying about someone dying on me.

This is what happens when I am tired...I rant. I could keep going too...and I'm going to!

After 12 hours at the hospital I started my journey to New Orleans. Oh man, it was so good to be with Andrew. We had a pretty laid back, relaxing visit. Watched It's Kind of a Funny Story (very cute...it was hard not to over analyze how unrealistic everything was since I just got done with my psych rotation), Son of Rambow (very cute and funny...made me want to adopt lots of little british boys), Willow (Andrew could not believe I had never seen it. You may be wondering how we ended up talking about Willow and I honestly don't know. I think he was talking in a goat voice or something else totally normal), Real World New Orleans (we maybe should be ashamed that we watched over 4 hours of it this weekend, but it is incredibly intriguing to watch the insane amount of stupidity, and also see cool places that we know of in NOLA), and also some football. We ate at my favorite restaurants and went to the zoo. Walked around the quarter and by the river. Saw a hobo fight, stepping in what I think may have been urine, nearly got tripped by a hobo, and saw plenty of other interesting sights. That is one thing you can always count on in New Olreans. Interesting sights.

Alright, well I have definitely typed too much. Here's the only picture I took this weekend: Andrew in Cafe du monde.

Just because

Because that last blog is just sad.

Because it's Monday night and I'm on duty on Mondays now so I can get more than 3 hours of sleep before clinical.

Because I should be studying for my test tomorrow but it's way too loud in the lobby to focus.

Because blogging makes me feel good.

And last but certainly not least, because I go to New Orleans to see this face in 3 days!

Hurry up Thursday!

love.

That was a first

Today a woman at a checkout counter said to me "ohhhhhh! are you expecting?"

I thought: "seriously?!"

I said: "Expecting WHAT?"

She awkwardly replied "ohhhkay, that will be $10.75"

Hopefully she put that on her list of things to never ever ever ever ever ask someone again. ever.

I'm doubtful though.

I'm also thinking that my new $4 shirt that I was so excited about may not be getting much more use.

Haircut

I love getting haircuts. There are so many things to love:

Getting your hair washed. It's so relaxing. A simple pleasure, really. You don't realize how much work washing your hair is until someone else washes it for you. Plus, Shelby always has the best smelling shampoo and conditioner.

Getting your hair styled. Some people don't like this part because you can never fix it the same as your hair dresser does. But that's the beauty of it for me. For me, when I get my hair cut that means I get it straightened. Straightening my hair is such work, and I love just sitting there and poof! Straight hair. Magic. I'm beginning to sound lazy when it comes to my hair...and it's because I am.

Soft hair. I think hair dressers have some secret potion that makes hair super soft. I want it. I can never stop running my fingers through my soft hair after getting a haircut.

Change. It's fun. I used to not like changing my hair. But ever since the big cut a year ago, I get excited about it.

I've already mentioned how good Shelby's shampoo and conditioner smells. But it has got to be mentioned again because it's amazing. When I'm not running my fingers through my hair, I'm holding a strand up against my nose.

I didn't change much this time. Just got a trim, a good thinning, and more defined bangs. I'm on a mission to have long hair by this summer. We'll see if I can make it happen.

I wanted to take a picture to show you and in the process realized that my new bangs are at just the right length where they just won't stay behind my ear:

tried to put it behind the ears. fail.

and the solution:
And yes, I'm wearing the same outfit as yesterday. I wish I could defend myself by saying I only wore it for half a day yesterday or something like that, but I can't. It was just laying on my chair this morning when I woke up and I didn't have to make any decisions. It just felt right, okay?

Have a happy weekend.

Sunshine and Rainbows

The simulation was crazy. We passed, but it was crazy. Our patient died, for a long time. Our biggest mistake was not calling the "doctor" and just continuing the code (we thought that by "calling a code" we were calling a "doctor"). Apparently not. Our instructors said that doctors would have called the time of death long before it was actually called. Hence, CPR for 20 minutes. Resulting in my first CPR blister.

See:

Well, you can't really see it because of photobooth isn't what I would call top notch quality. And it's gotten a lot better since Tuesday.

And yes, I'm getting my hair trimmed and THINNED tomorrow. It is crazy thick right now. It's borderline fro.

It's been yet another crazy week here at this dorm of ours. Some extremely burnt beans, 4 candles, and 5 fire alarms later I'm ready to run away somewhere. Anywhere.

Maybe New Orleans? In 6 days? I think so.

My favorite thing is when residents walk up to me outside during a fire alarm asking things like "where is the fire?" "is it a real fire?" "is it going to get in my room?" oh and my number one favorite this week: "WHY are we having so many fire alarms lately?".

I wish I knew, my sweet little ditzy freshman. I wish I knew.

Besides the craziness at the dorm, it's been a week of splendid surprises.

I'm so happy.

Life is sunshine and rainbows right now.

Even underneath my stack of notes and books.

Happy Monday!

No class this morning, which means I slept in 'til 10:20.

Woke up slow. Drank coffee. Read.

My favorite way to start.

The only real productive thing I did all day was go practice for our big simulation tomorrow.

Critical care AND mental health nursing simulation combined. I'll let you know how it goes, but this is what I'm predicting: A dramatic Grey's Anatomy type moment. The patient is talking one minute and then BAM! all of a sudden his heart stops beating. Everyone springs into action and (hopefully) administers the right medications, does CPR, maybe defibrillate. All while this is going on there is a family member (or two) in the room screaming and carrying on. Although the team did their best, the patient dies and then we have to console the family.

After that, the week should be pretty chill.

No clinicals this week...PARTAY!

I'm getting my hair cut on Friday. Yay for Shelby not being on maternity leave anymore, my split ends rejoice.

I'm working all day Saturday which usually means I get paid to hang out with a crazy guy, watch tv, and study. It's a tough life, I know.

Other news? None, I guess. Oh, I have a new love for frozen fruit. It all started a couple of weeks ago when I made cobbler for the RAs and then ate the left over fruit. Since then I have consumed 3 bags of frozen peaches.

10 days 'til I head to New Orleans for the first time since this summer. Excited.

That's about it I suppose.

Thanks for putting up with me, the rambling woman.

Facts

-Money, in the words of a schizophrenic patient "it goes so fast! Like....PUDDIN'!"

ha.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

-I am completely in love with this weather. It is seriously perfect.

-Now that I aced that test, I'm back to counting down to graduation. 211 days.

-I can't wait for this cd come out:

Oct. 12, in case you are wondering.

-I'm updating my blog too much.

love, allye.

Really long post

I really do hate to take the attention off of the adorable fabric pumpkins that I think are the cutest things I've seen all week, but I would really like to tell you about my day.

This week for my mental health nursing clinical I did my community rotation.

Community week of clinical is always one that I enjoy.

You may remember last semester when I taught a breast feeding class and birthing class. (an interesting experience to say the least)

Well this week I'm working with the Mental Health Mental Retardation Assertive Community Outreach Team. Whew, that's a mouthful.

Katie and I were together, which made it so much easier. I wish I could take one of my nursing friends with me after graduation to my first day of work as a real nurse (holy smokes, that's SCARY). Having someone there with you in your shoes makes life so much easier! I guess an easy life would be boring...

Anyhow, we met the case worker who was a very nice, funny man with a good sense of humor. I think you probably have to have a sense of humor for this job.

We ventured out into the depths of Temple.

My brain and my heart could not comprehend what I saw.

Poverty.

People living in shacks with broken windows, no air conditioning or heat. Not even 20 minutes away from my cozy campus.

It was hard to balance the emotions because these people are lucky to even have a house to stay in. The case worker we were with said "if they didn't live here, they couldn't live anywhere else." Usually because their behaviors, their sickness, their disease scares people and gets them kicked out of low income apartments, and government housing.

When we pulled up to the first house I looked out the dirty window of the van and saw two men sitting in recliners on their front lawn . This made me smile, and excited to talk to them.

The man on the right had a kitten wrapped around his leg purring, when he saw that we were there to visit them and he smiled a big toothless smile and greeted us with a squeaky "heeellooo!"

We visited for a little while out on the lawn. Sweet men. Very confused, and lost in this word but sweet, nonetheless.

When we got back into the van the caseworker told us that the man with the contagious toothless smile has lung cancer and is just waiting to die.

My heartbeat slowed a little.

He sits in that maroon and navy recliner on his dried up lawn with his kitten waiting to die every day. Can you imagine?

I can't.

Next we went to a rundown motel where a bunch of people who have literally gotten kicked out everywhere else stay. We picked up a paranoid schizophrenic and took him to the library to rent some cds. There is nothing that makes me more grateful for a functioning mind more than a paranoid schizophrenic.

That's all I have to say about that.

He showed us a couple of halfway houses, more horrible housing, and where some of these people get food everyday. After that we went to some low income apartments and met one of the most cheerful old women ever.

She also had no teeth.

And by the smell of her apartment, smoked about 100 cigarettes a day.

The whole time she was talking to me I was thinking "should I breathe through my nose, or though my mouth? through my nose means I can smell it, but I feel like it gets to my lungs faster through my mouth..." This went on inside my head until the "fresh" air of downtown temple hit my lungs.

The best part was how she kept saying to me "I CLEANED ALL DAY YESTERDAY! DON'T IT SMELL WONDERFUL IN HERE?!" She asked us that several times. I smiled and nodded while praying I wasn't getting lung cancer.

Wow. I've written a lot. I apologize.

All in all it was an eye opening day. Lots of conflicting emotions. Sadness, frustration, happiness, anger, confusion.

I'm glad I go to a university that sees the importance of working in the community. It's a blessing to be a part of.

Someday

When I grow up.

When I have a house, or an apartment at fall time.

When I have a sewing machine.

And lots of deliciously cute fall fabric with flowers and leaves,

I'm going to make these .

If I'm good at it (which, by the way I won't be until the 10th one),

it may even become one of those traditions where I say to my kids "kiiiiiiids it's getting chilly outside, you know what that means......fabric pumpkin making time!!!"

I mean, every kid should learn how to make fabric pumpkins right?

Andrew and I may have a disagreement here.

But we'll deal with that when it comes.

Anyway, so my kids will groan and say something like "ahwwww why can't we just carve pumpkins like all the NORMAL families?!"

We will, though. Because I love baked pumpkin seeds. But fabric pumpkins always come first in THIS house.

Why wouldn't they?

Look at how ridiculously cute they are!

I can't wait.

Someday...

(and yes, I look at blogs at 7:30am. It wakes me up. and i'm kind of in love with them.)

Today

Praise God, I made an A.

I only got anxious once during the whole test. I stopped, took some breaths and was fine the rest of the time.

I'm feeling very grateful.

There is still a lot of hard work to be done. But this restored confidence and feeling of being capable has been amazing for me.

Thank you for your encouragement, love, and prayers.

I'm thankful for all the support.

After the test today I walked out smiling, told one person, and got hugs and squeals. After that I went to the sub to relax before lecture. As my nursing family finished, they joined me. News spreads like wildfire in our little family we have formed, so everyone knew I was failing, and somehow everyone also knew I made an A. They rejoiced with me and it felt so good. I can't describe how good it felt. I kept saying "I am so happy".

And I was.

So, so, so grateful.

Psalm 139:1-18

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day.

Tomorrow I'll take a test that I have studied more for than any other test. Ever.

I'm feeling pretty good, besides the insane amount of pressure. I'll let you know what happens, dear blog followers. Thank you in advance for your prayers.

In other news, this weather brings so much happiness to my world. I tried to sleep with my window open last night, but when you live on a college campus with hooligans playing games in the quad that include screaming bloody murder at 1am it becomes hard to enjoy the cool weather.

I broke my personal record for getting ready this morning. Woke up at 7:26am and was in class at 7:35. Needless to say, I'm looking a little rough today. I did brush my teeth though, that's always a priority.

Lately I have really been wishing I didn't live in a dorm. For several reasons but the main one being I want to bake. Real bad. I want to bake something that tastes like fall. Maybe cinnamon rolls (heck, cinnamon rolls taste like every season!), or pumpkin muffins, or german chocolate cupcakes with coconut pecan icing. I think my abs (or lack there of) are grateful for my dorm living and thus, lack of oven and baking.

Speaking of abs (wow, this post is really becoming quite random), I ran almost 2 miles without stopping the other day. It has been a sllloooooooow process, but the fact that I am RUNNING almost 2 miles feels literally unbelievable to me.

Tonight I am buying a huge bag of candy corn though, and not running.

They make duty much more fun

Long day

This week my schedule was a little different. Instead of having clinical on Wednesday, I had it on Thursday. Not a big deal, right? I thought it was going to be awesome because I usually have duty on Tuesdays and only get 4 hours of sleep before I have to be at the hospital for 12 hours.

Well, Wednesday night ended up being pretty hectic here in the dorm and I didn't get to sleep until well past 1:30am.

I woke up at 5:15, got ready, and drove to the hospital drinking my coffee as fast as I could hoping that it would magically give me the energy that sleep does.

I got there early like always, I like sitting and breathing before the day gets crazy.

Usually around 6:20 the rest of my group starts dragging themselves in. This didn't happen. 6:25 came, then 6:30. No one.

I started to wonder.

Then it hit me.

Clinical starts at 8 on Thursday.

DANG!

I walked back out to my car, sat in that beautiful blue seat and felt like crying.

I. AM. SO. TIRED.

So, I went to starbucks, drank more coffee, and read about schizophrenia.

Drove back to the hospital at 7:45 and began my day.

Let me just say this: at 8:30 pm, if I would had the energy I would have sprinted out of that place.

But I didn't. I walked slowly, breathing in the fall air and talking about how weird the day was with my nursing peeps.

When I got to my car I laid my head on that beautiful blue steering wheel and sighed, called Andrew and drove home.

Home? Is that was this is.

I guess so.

For the next two months at least.

Why I love Fall

I'm already tired of looking at that depressing blog post. So to fill its sad place I'm going to tell you why I love Fall.

I've talked about it on here before, but this is going to be a bit more detailed.

Candy. Corn. Ohhhh golly. I have yet to venture out to buy a bag because I've been trying so very hard to eat healthy. But it's definitely going to happen soon. I think I can make myself feel better about doing it if I put a bowl out for my residents and take a handful every time I pass

Carmel Apple Pops. Again. SO good. I don't think this is a seasonal product but for some reason it just feels right to eat them in the Fall. Maybe because it's the only time I would get them as a kid, trick or treating.

here

here

Knitted things on etsy. I already have a wish list of about 10 hats, scarves, gloves, etc. Totally unrealistic considering I live in Texas. But still too adorable to not dream about having. That's all wishlists really are for me, anyway.

I busted out these babies yesterday. Anyone who knows me well knows these are my favorites, and have been for a long, long time. I got them in 8th grade from my grandparents after they went to santa fe. It was spring and not cold so I wore them with shorts. I got made fun of so much that day so I never wore them again until highschool, where I still got made fun of but just didn't care. I wore them yesterday, got called pocohontas only once and got about 15 compliments. Times are a changin', and I can call myself a trendsetter for the first time in my life.

Cardigans. This is the only picture google gave me of multiple cardigans. It also reminded me of how Katie Holmes inspired me to get a pixie cut last year (almost exactly a year ago, actually). Anyway, cardigans. I love them. I wear them in the summer too, because I love them that much, but fall just merits my cardigan use that much more, and boy do I take advantage of it.

I know there's more, but I have a paper to write for critical care.

Peace, love, and fall.