Dear 2009,

A whole year has passed since I wrote this. I really love that post for several reasons. One, I was open and honest; something that I have kind of stopped being with my writing some of the time. Two, it is fun to read my thoughts from a year ago. I think that might be my favorite part about blogging, going back and reading what you wrote. I also like that particular post because it helps me remember what my goals for the year were, and opens my eyes to either the progress or the digression that has taken place. Mostly, when I look back on 2008 I see progress. I learned a lot this year. I grew so much in knowledge of the word and learned to understand and appreciate the magnificent love of the Lord more than I ever have before.

Some parts of my life however, were unfortunately left untouched. The parts that are hard and ugly, I stayed away from. That right there shows me that I didn't live 2008 with complete faith. I wish I could say that I planted my feet %100 on the solid ground of truth says, "And the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." I believe that. I do. But I didn't live like I believed it...which kinda shows that I don't believe it. I lived in a way that says to the Lord "I cannot be restored. There is just too much".

This year I want to act upon that truth. When 2010 rolls around the bend I want to read this and think about how far I have come, how many walls God has broken down and see how much of the nasty I have finally let go of and given to him. This is going to take courage for me. I can say with complete certainty that the hardest part of my Christian walk so far has been revisiting, and letting go. It is so hard for me to forgive, and that is sin. It is so hard for me to have true faith that God can restore all evil, and that is not believing.

It is hard to write that because I desire to believe with the strongest of faiths. But it doesn't come easy, and in 2008 I think I stayed on the easy road most of the time.

So 2009, you are going to be another year of growth. But because of my desire to grow and change in some of the toughest areas, you are probably going to be a little bit of a painful year too. I'm willing to accept that, and I won't hold it against you if it hurts too bad because I know it will be worth it. I'm excited to see what you have in store, 2009. I have a lot to be excited about. Here I go.

Love, Allye