I'm so not ready for this pharmacology test tomorrow. 

But watching Lindsey and Julie do "Flirtygirl Fitness" is so much better than studying. 

We'll see how much I love flirty girl tomorrow after the test.

"No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?" -Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

i really like rice krispie treats

This week has felt so strange. 

I've been super emotional. Cried probably 5 times (a definite record for me). Oddly enough this weeks Be Transformed was about emotions. There's lots to think about, and I'm not quite to the point of articulating it well enough to write a blog about. Maybe eventually, but the main thing I've gotten out of it is that God communicates with us through emotions. Through sadness, loneliness, confusion and anger I am made vulnerable. If I choose to (and that's IF) surrender and trust then God will communicate his love for me through my sadness and loneliness. He will communicate his presence and comfort through my confusion and anger. I'm not there yet. I struggle too much with self reliance to even start to hand my emotions to God. And it all goes back, in my opinion, to the root of not trusting his truths. 

Well, I guess I was ready to articulate more than I thought. That was a little surprising. 

What else is going on?

I'm tired. Today is going to be a nap day for me. Clinical paperwork is my least favorite activity in the history of school and it completely drains all my remaining stamina and energy. Today is going to be a nap day. I'm glad about that. 

I got to go to New Orleans to see this guy that I know. It was a great time. I'm so happy I got to go and spend time with Andrew. I felt sad to come back, but who wouldn't? New Orleans is awesome and Andrew is even more awesome. 

The semester is coming to a close (which seems completely insane to me). Only 42 more days until I have (hopefully successfully) completed my J1 semester. Golly, that's fantastic. 

3 more regular exams. 

2 more simulations. 

1 more round of full clinical paperwork. 

1 paper.

1 case presentation.

3 finals.

2 HESI exams. 

Done. 

That's a lot of junk, but...42 days!!!

love, allye

The hornets preseason game. Andrew got awesome seats, and it was SUPER fun. 

Mind on the Run

What does one think about while not studying? 

Lots of things. 

Lots of things that don't have to do with gastrointestinal diseases. 

Last week's episode of Glee is playing for the 4th, maybe 5th time in my living room. That means I'm humming Usher's "confessions" and Beyonce's "halo". 

I'm thinking about how it's hard to be away from someone when one of the main things that runs through you mind is that you want be close to them. 

I'm thinking about what it's going to take for me to get me to the point where I can not only trust God with my life, but the lives of others. Others like the people dying of cancer that I take care of every week. Others like the hundreds of young girls sold into slavery every day. Others like my brother and sisters who I haven't gotten to see in a couple years. 

I'm thinking about my car, and what the heck could possibly be wrong with it. 

I'm thinking about forgiveness. Not sure about this one at all actually. When I say I'm "thinking" about forgiveness I mean I say the word forgiveness in my head then decide it's too hard, and wait til it comes up again.

I'm thinking about how happy I'll be when this week is over. (SUPER happy!!)

I'm thinking about Christmas. 

I'm thinking about how I want to finish reading some books I started this summer. When? Don't know. 

I'm thinking about how it's 10pm and I'm exhausted. Old lady right here!

This is what happens when I have to study and my brain doesn't want to study.

Productive, right?

Goodnight.

I love Glee.

Kitten Anyone?

this lil cutie want you to be her owner. she told me. 

I found her in a trash can at Micky Dee's. Julie and I are temporarily calling her Big Mac, but you can change her name when you adopt her. 

KITTEN UPDATE:

I found a home for the cutie. 

A day to breathe

Another week done. 

Fridays are so great. 

Usually because I have they day off. Not today, but it's still great. I get to take a breath and actually think about what happened this week. 

Mondays are lecture days. 

Tuesdays are lecture and practice days.

Wednesdays and Thursdays are clinical days. 

Fridays are breathing days. 

I like breathing. I like being able to think about things knowing that tomorrow I don't have a test, or patients to take care of, or skills to perform with a professor looking over my shoulder. 

I like Fridays.

This week at clinical my patient had rectal cancer. I got to take care of his ostomy which was a totally new, kind of scary experience but also really neat. It was crazy to listen to his bowel sounds then look at his ostomy and see his intestines moving. Our bodies are so amazing! Yesterday I was supposed to give flu shots. I ended up only giving one (which went well), but I got to see 3 lung biopsies done and that was SO cool. It was a good week. My group did well on our scary simulation and I passed my diabetes and fluid & electrolyte test.

Things are moving right along. 

Next week I get to go see Andrew and I cannot wait. 

Next week I'm also in the OR, and I'm excited about that. Not quite as excited as I am to see Andrew, but still excited. 

I feel like I'm rambling.

Sorry.

I love them

Two of my roommates. 

They are weird, 

funny, 

sweet, 

and 

(as you can see)

beautiful. 

I'm lucky.

Smelly welly

Our house smells like a dead animal's rotten banana poop.

Why?

We don't know. 

Luke says Julie is the main suspect. She showered this morning though and it still smells, so we don't know. 

Currently we have 5 candles burning, and I can still smell it a little. I think after about an hour you become immune though. 

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.” – Maya Angelou

Like a garden fed by four seasons, a cycle of change.
Everybody has to change, or they expire.
Everybody has to leave.
Everybody has to leave their home and come back
so they can love it again for all new reasons.
I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes,
so things keep getting born in me,
so things keep dying when it is time for things to die.
I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago,
because a mind was made to figure things out,
not to read the same page,
to be the same thing
recurrently.

Cancer is a bully

Week two in the hospital complete. Boy, it's been awesome. Awesome in a wow, this is really tiring kind of way, but still awesome. Working with cancer patients has taught me so much already. I have a new understanding of the disease itself, which is that it is horrible, ugly and mean. No one (of course) thinks cancer is a walk in the park by any means, but what I mean is that I have just never really understood the toll it takes on your body. It seriously affects everything. It's rough.

Just for my own memory, this week I learned:

-how to put in an NG tube

-to take out a foley catheter

-how sit with a wife as she cries about her husband with leukemia and not breakdown with her.

-that cancer is really bad

-that some people with sickle cell are so drugged up that they fall asleep standing up (and snore!)

-that a patient grabbing your hand and telling you thank you is one of the best feelings ever.

I'm excited to be a nurse.

Not excited that this weeks paperwork for clinicals took me 9 hours.

It's going to be a long road to May 2011, a fulfilling one though.

"God is the sum of patience and the essence of kindly good will. We please Him most, not by frantically trying to make ourselves good, but by throwing ourselves into His arms with all our imperfections, and believing that He understands everything and loves us still."

-A.W. Tozer, The Root of the Righteous