Antonym: Confront.

I have an issue.

I avoid.

Examples:

If I know I'm running short on money, It stresses me out so I just don't look at my bank account until I absolutely have to. I would rather not know.

If someone takes advantage of me, or does something to hurt me instead of confronting them and dealing with the situation, I try and work around it because I don't like to make a big deal out of things.

Today when I was dealing with stressful summer financial aid stuff, even though I knew it was something that HAD to be done today I had the thought "I'll do this later...I have SO much other stuff to take care of!" I had to snap out of it and remind myself that if I didn't get this done (and even if I did) I might not be able to pay for this summer.

That is when I started thinking about my issue.

I went back in forth on how avoiding isn't ALWAYS a bad thing, mostly because I was wanting to avoid dealing with my issue of avoidance. Example one and three up there I shouldn't do, I get that. They are both ridiculous and dumb. But the second example is where I got tied up. Confronting people sometimes makes the situation into bigger deal than it generally is. I don't like confrontation. I would prefer to be quiet, attempt to forget my problems, and just let the other person have their way.

I read Ephesians 4 today because "speaking the truth in love" popped into my head while I was processing all of this. Then I started wondering if feelings are truth. I know for a fact I have feelings almost every day that aren't truth.

In verse 2 of Ephesians 4 Paul says to be patient, bearing with one another. Does bearing with people mean "just deal with it"?

Then there's Colossians 3:12, 13: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

This is what I'm thinking: It's healthy to be truthful with people. Be truthful in a way that expresses love, kindness, and compassion. Approaching situations with how you feel is okay, but maybe don't approach thinking that your feelings are absolute truth. Deal with people with gentleness and be ready to forgive.

Oh gosh, this post has officially turned into what my brain is right now. A jumbled up mess of thoughts that I can't get straight. I apologize for sucking you into this. I'll attempt to find some resolve after finals.

I might just avoid it though...

Oh, love that will not let me go
I rest my weary soul in thee
I give you back this life I owe
and in your ocean depths its flow
may richer, fuller be.

Procrastination!!!

I am entirely too good at procrastinating. I've started studying 4 times today and have gotten distracted. This weekend has been great.

Leslie's recital was so wonderful. My beautiful, talented friend did such a fantastic job. I can't start typing about how much I'm going to miss her after she graduates and moves on to bigger and better things because then I'll get sad, and we still have a whole 2 weeks left together!

I went to Monica's first bridal shower yesterday. It was really great to see my lil HarMonica, and it got me excited about her wedding. I'm regretful for not taking any pictures.

Today Vista had a community picnic. It was a sunny, windy, beautiful day. Hotdogs, inflatables, basketball, and my friend's adorable kids make for a fun afternoon at the park.

Tonight was the RA banquet, and I probably ate my weight in cream puffs. It was a special time to get to hang out with my past RAs...

(we missed you Brooke!)

...and future RAs.

I'm very, very, very excited about working with these beautiful girls next year.

I came to the realization about how much I am going to miss Robyn. Good thing Salado is only 15 minutes away.

I love my friends, I'm blessed beyond words.

Ramblings of a bad blogger

I apologize for the blogging hiatus. I left last week to visit my favorite city and my favorite guy. We had fun. We saw Amos Lee in concert. Boy, let me tell you in between making sweet, beautiful music he was quite the sassy character. I liked him. He has such a beautiful voice. We went on a lunch cruise. I ate my first crawfish. Saw the real live Crabby Jack. Played with Nacheaux. It was a great time, hard to say goodbye. Especially knowing what I was coming back to...

These next 12 days are going to be C-R-A-Z-Y. Starting this friday I have a test every single day (not counting Saturday and Sunday), I'm on duty a few times, and a couple of wedding showers to attend.

I don't generally get stressed. Well, I guess I do, but I internalize it instead of acting stressed like most people. Instead I get headaches, and make to do lists in the middle of the night when I wake up from a dream about forgetting to show up to a simulation exam. I know I'll make it through it, just like I have the past two semesters of nursing school, and I know I wont forget about a simulation exam, but I really really really dislike the end of the semester.

On a positive note, because I like those much better: Leslie's recital is this Friday, I get to see Monica and Danielle (bff's from high school) this weekend, and I am almost a SENIOR in COLLEGE! Summer is so close.

Although so is the may-mester of statistics I have to take.

I just want to lay around and read Donald Miller books all day.

Fast and Furious

Not the movie. I've actually never seen the movie. I've gotten the impression that its about fast cars that crash and blow up and it just doesn't sound like my cup of tea. That might be the only time you are going to hear the movie fast and furious mentioned in the same sentence as cup of tea. Anyway, the fast and the furious title is referring to how this weekend was, and the rest of this semester will be.

This weekend was filled with birthday fun. My roommates and Leslie and Joy went to Austin.

It is not possible for my roommates to be any more beautiful.

Allye/Allie.

YMCA

I feel really lucky to have such amazing friends. We had a little get together on Saturday night. Drank coffee, ate cookies and cupcakes, played Jungle speed, and laughed way too much at Nathan's dumb jokes. It was so fun. Even though I have a whole year left of college, I kinda feel like it's coming to an end right now. Most of my really great friends are graduating, I'm not going to be living with my roommates anymore, and my senior year of nursing school (as I've heard) might turn me into a recluse. I'm excited about next year, I know I will enjoy it. But I'm also going to try and cherish every moment of this semester. Especially being able to wear my roommate's shoes, because I will probably never have that joy again unless I have a daughter someday that (hopefully) wears my same size, and has good taste (which is a stretch if she is anything like I was when I was a teenager).

It's going to be a challenge to cherish every moment though. I just counted how many exams/simulations I have left and had to recount 4 times because I just could not believe the number I was coming up with. NINE. 9! Holy cow. 9 tests in 3 weeks. How the heck is that possible? Oh well.

It will be fast and furious for sure. Hopefully no cars will explode.

21

Yesterday I turned 21.

I woke up feeling tired, and not any different. Probably because it was 5am.

I got to the hospital where I found my nursing friends, cupcakes in hand. Ashley made the most delicious cupcakes that have ever touched my tongue...

Vanilla cupcakes with raspberry cream cheese icing with chocolate drizzle and candied raspberries and blackberries. OH MY GOSHHHHH!

After clinical Julie and I took our lil Kenzie girl on a walk and let her run wild in the bluebonnets. Not really wild, because if we did that we would never ever see her again, but I did run with her on her leash. That's as wild as it will ever get for Kenz.

Julie, Kels and I went to BJs for dinner. It was yummy, and fun to celebrate with them.

After that I came home and finished my paperwork for clinical...what fun!

So, 21.

It does feel old. When I was younger I don't remember ever thinking of being 21. I remember my cousin Jessica being in her 20s and thinking she was kind of old. I'm sure in 5 years 21 wont feel old, but for right now it does. Not old in the kind of way that I want to go back and be young again though. The kind of old that I'm so happy to be here. I'm feeling like I'm gaining some wisdom and growing in ways that matter. It's a cool thing, growing up.

I'm excited about this year. My last summer as a college student, my senior year in college. Some big changes are on the way. It's going to be a fun adventure.

Baby me...21ish years ago:

Speaking of babies (i know this is random), but I CANNOT believe that this little tiny baby boy is famous. For so many reasons. But it does make me laugh. So, thanks Justin Bieber.

Thank you to everyone who made my birthday special. I felt so loved yesterday.