A promise

I promise I'm going to write again someday.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." -Ephesians 4:31- 5:2

"Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' To the contrary, 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by doing so you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." -Romans 12:17-21

Jumble of thoughts

Since writing a blog post sounds so much more interesting than studying right now, I'm going to give in and do it.

As the title of this post suggests, this is going to be a jumble of thoughts. Mostly because that is the way my brain is working at the moment, jumping from one thing to the next, very unsure about most things, but still very active.

Clinicals officially start Wednesday. I could pee my pants I'm so nervous. I'm praying, praying, praying that no more passing out occurs. I had an encouraging conversation with my clinical instructor (Ms. Dixon) on Thursday that eased my nerves a little, but I'm still letting myself get psyched out for some reason. Please, if you think about it Wednesday, pray that I will be able to hold it together and show some patients love in caring for them (and not passing out on them).

Other than the clinical nervousness, school is alright. After these next two weeks I can assure you that I will have a whole different attitude about it. These next two weeks are going to be rough, and I'm feeling pretty confident that if I can make it through them, I'll be good. I'm learning quickly that my brain doesn't function well on 8 hour lecture days, and have started bringing plenty of snacks to class. On a positive note, being with the same people for 8 hours every day really brings you close. We are all anxious for breaks so we can go stand outside on the balcony and chat. That part of the 8 hour lecture days is fun.

I started doing a bible study with some friends (Matt, Dani, Luke, Kelsey, and Amy) a couple thursdays ago. Be Transformed is the title of the study (based on Romans 12 "do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of you mind so that you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will"). So far it has been challenging, refreshing and SO interesting. I have already learned a lot. I hope I can write sometime about it because it really has been great. It's a small group, which I have loved. Dani and Amy are both moms and it's been so neat to be able to listen to them and learn from them, it makes for a great dynamic. My mind needs to be renewed a whole bunch, it's a little ridiculous actually. I'm so not trusting of God's promises.

As of yesterday, circumstantially, I started struggling with some things that I haven't had to deal with in quite a while. I'm not going to go into much detail about it all, just because I don't really want to, or need to. All I'm saying is I have some changing to do in my attitude about handling and dealing with hardships. Anger, although I usually don't see it this way, is on the top of my list of feelings I hate having, but have way too much of. When I wrote this post a whole two years ago (CRAZY!), I think I was feeling the same way. Knowing I have so much in my life that is in need of transformation.

Now that I've gotten that out there, here's some happy news. Andrew stopped by texas for a brief (but great) visit. His great-grandmother turned 100, and he came in town for that incredible celebration. It was great to see him, hard to say bye. If you hadn't figured it out already, that was the goodbye I was whining about yesterday. I really enjoy this guy. It feels a little silly to be telling you how wonderful my boyfriend is on a blog, but I can't resist just because he's that wonderful.

Jumble of thoughts complete? Not nearly. But that covers a good portion of them. I need to study and pass this test in the morning so I'm going to stop now.

I'm going to try and rely on God to be my complete fulfillment this week. That is way more challenging than it should be for me.

Love.

I am never, never, never going to get good at goodbyes. Even in the days before I started crying, goodbyes still hurt my goodbye hating heart.

That is mostly all I'm feeling right now. That I hate goodbyes feeling.

But, in the spirit of being cheerful I'm going to do my Saturday love. I was a slacker last week, school has been crazy. I'll update more on that later.

I love....

ROBYN.

This girl knows how to make me smile. She's an adventurer, and I love that. We're going to Costa Rica over spring break and I am SO excited to travel with her. I think she's probably one of the best travelers ever. She's my ever so faithful fellow blog stalker. When I read a real good Matt & Maddy I know she will be just as excited about it as I am. I love that she will do this kind of stuff with me...

Besides all that awesome stuff, Rob also has one the neatest hearts I know. She loves people with this really special love. A love that makes her not afraid to give you this face that only Robyn makes when she thinks you're stupid, and you still know she loves you. She loves these cute little boys in Haiti a lot, and I think that's pretty sweet. She's a friend that I can sit with in a quiet room with not much going on and it doesn't feel like someone needs to talk. She loves Gardenstate and Elizabethtown just as much as I do (if not more). We are soulfriends.

Love you, Rob.

Mane Attraction

I cut my hair, big time:

I like it. It's light and easy. My head feels about 5 pounds lighter, and I got ready this morning in 8 minutes.

Tuesday Rambler

Today was Tuesday, but it felt like Monday and it was throwing me off all day long.

Labor day was not at all laborious. Just the way I like it. Slept in, watched some tv, hung out with Rob, studied. It was a good day. I wasn't ready for my 6:30am alarm this morning. It was one of those mornings where you wake up thinking "maybe I can take a nap today..."

Julie, Kels and I ventured to the Harker Heights Old Navy this evening and I got some new jeans and a couple of cute tops that were on sale. I like buying new clothes. A lot. I wish I could buy new clothes every day, but then I'm sure the excitement of it all would just be lost.

I'm pretty sure I broke my toe on isle 6 at HEB tonight. Grocery shopping can be dangerous. I bought some really tasty grapes, and it's taking all the self control I have to not eat them all right now.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. The week is already half way over. That's cool. Then the weekend, then one more week until the weekend I've been waiting on for quite some time now. Excitement is filling my heart.

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song.

Eyes wide open, always hoping for the sun.

And she'll sing her song to anyone that comes along.

Fragile as a leaf in Autumn, just falling to the ground without a sound.

Crooked little smile on her face tells a tale of grace that's all her own.

Saturday Love: Chelsea

Meet Chelsea. She's super fly, and pretty hard core (as you can tell). She does cool things like triathlons. Chelsea is kinda old, so we never went to school or anything together. We met at church, maybe at camp when I was her student leader and she beat me up and shoved my face in the mud. I instantly loved her. She moved to china for a while and would send me funny emails, like one with her head on a big huge muscle woman's body. When she came home I beat her in a wrestling contest, and I still haven't lived that down. Deep down though her beating me up and trying to kill me in everything she does isn't what REALLY makes me love her. I mean, it definitely adds to it, but there are lots of other things too. She is a friend I can count on to give me the truth, exactly what she thinks, no matter how much she knows I don't wanna hear it. I admire her ability to speak the truth in love. I really believe she loves me even when she calls me stupid or something, pretty amazing. I love her ability to make every one around her feel cared for and loved, it's also pretty amazing. She brings so much light and smiles wherever she is.

Favorite memory together: We went to Turner Falls to go camping one time. I think the whole time could count as my favorite memory with her, but an especially favorite memory is when we were swinging into a river on this rope that was attached to a tree. I was getting some serious air and she asked how I was doing it, I showed her (not showing off at all). She swears to this day that when I let go of the rope I turned and gave her a look that said "ha, I'm so much better than you". I was, but I would never rub it in or anything...

I love you Chels. Thanks for being my honest, sweet, wonderful friend.

Knick Knack Paddy Whack

There has been some serious puppy love going on today. Both Leo boy and Kenzie girl got new bones and a bath today. Kenzie loves her new friend. She can walk under him and it is one of the cutest things I've ever seen when she does it.

Today was the bomb.

I slept in until 11. Made coffee, made myself comfortable on the couch for some major project runway watching. Did that with Kels until around 4:30 when we motivated each other to go buy a hose so we could bathe our stinky pups.

Robyn and Brooke came over tonight and it was fun to hang out with them.

Glee is definitely a new favorite TV show of mine. I've watched the first episode 3 times now. A little overkill I know, but whatev.

I know it's technically Saturday and I should be telling you about someone I love, but that is going to wait until I go to sleep and wake up again because then it will really feel like Saturday.

For now, I love all of you.
Actually, tomorrow when I post the Saturday love post I will still love all of you, just to make that clear. (Unless you are a blog stalker. But in that case, I feel honored that you stalk my blog, so I guess I love you too.)

Okay, that was awkward.
Here's some cute pups to make up for it.

Kenzie actually ate her bone, while Leo just carried his HUGE bone around. It was so cute.

I hope you like Autumn because I'm falling for you

Day 1 in the hospital.

I passed out in a patient's room.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, that's not a funny just kidding. It's real life.

I know, I can't believe it either.

What were you doing? You might ask. Watching/ performing some nasty procedure on someone? Observing an operation?

...nope.

I was helping give a patient a bath. Yes, a bath. He did have a huge abdominal suture that was a little gross, but not bad.

It's okay if you're laughing because I can't help but laugh every single time I think about it. I laugh until the sobering thought comes "what if I can't do this? what if I just pass out at stuff and I can't be a nurse?" I guess the answer to that is, then I won't be a nurse. It would stink big time, but if that's what is right, then it's what is right. Right?

I keep telling myself that I was just nervous, I didn't eat a big enough breakfast and I had my knees locked. Hopefully, I'm not truly a huge wimp. We will see though.

I'm glad to have become comic relief for my class though. Today we were learning how to pack a wound. We were practicing with a manikin and James (who is on the same floor as me at the hospital) turned to me and said "hey, there's a chair over there if you need it. this guy is REALLY plastic, and it might get a little gross."

I'm that girl now.

"fainting girl"

Awesome.

Ha.

Good first day.

Queaz

Today we learned how to do a central line dressing change and I got queasy. I think I got even more queasy when I started thinking about how I was getting queasy just from watching a video of someone scrubbing the skin around the neck where the line goes in. Can I do this? I mean really, I can't get queasy watching that. It just isn't allowed.

Tonight when I got home from work the roommates, Shea, and the Lukes were playing Moods. It was so fun to just hang out and laugh. Does the body good.

Tomorrow is day 1 in the hospital. I'm excited and nervous. Mostly just excited to eat the Scott & White cafeteria pizza and nervous about everything else. Not really. I have heard great things about that pizza though.

That's all for now. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

These are the a couple of lovely humans I get to spend every day of my life with: (everyone looks SO excited to be playing moods, huh?)