Micah 6:8

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Babies are cute

Wednesday was our orientation day at the hospital. Yesterday we were off to our separate floors. I did postpartum care yesterday. It was a really laid back, relaxed floor. All moms and babies were relatively healthy. My patient had a baby boy who was seriously precious. I massaged a uterus, gave baby boy a hepatitis b shot, gave mom vicodin, and chatted with friends. Compared to last semester, it was a little dull, but I enjoyed it.

Today I'll be working on paperwork and studying for my first test of the semester on Monday. Weeeee school!

Here's Becca and Sarah (friends in my clinical group) on our first day:

Tiniest hands, tiniest feet

Today blew my mind.

I saw a baby who didn't even weigh a pound. This little human was being supported by ventilators, and blood gas machines. This sweet teeny person had the tiniest hands, and tiniest feet. Her foot was 1/3 the size of my pinkie finger. I have small fingers. This little human, being supported by ventilators, and blood gas machines, with the tiniest hands, and tiniest feet was there not because her mom just happened to go into early labor, or because there were pregnancy complications. This sweet teeny person was there because her mom couldn't stop using drugs after she got pregnant. Looking at her, I got a lump in my throat. You know, that warning lump that says "you better not have worn mascara today, because it's about to be running down your cheek." Well, I held it together, thankfully. I've gotten better at holding it together. But I was angry for her, but at the same time I was grateful. Grateful because of the care she was receiving. There was a nurse whose only job was to take care of her, love her, nurture her, help her grow, keep her warm. That nurse is one of the first people to love that little baby. What a job.

Today blew my mind.

This semester may be pretty heart wrenching.

Haiti

Like almost everyone, I've been thinking about Haiti a lot. I've been sitting here for about 10 minutes, staring at my computer screen, and thinking about the awful destruction. So selfishly, all I can think to write is how it makes me feel. CNN has been playing a lot around our house, and honestly, I've wanted to turn it off several times because it breaks my heart. I can't even begin to comprehend the hurt that so many people are feeling right now. I'm praying for them, and my heart aches with them.

My roommate Lindsey is leaving tomorrow to go. A little piece of my world is colliding with this foreign, broken place that I've only experienced through news articles and Anderson Cooper. She works for a local organization Hope for the Hungry which has several several orphanages, schools and churches that they support. On her agenda is picking up orphans off the streets and taking them to the the main orphanage which miraculously was untouched by the earthquake. As I was talking through things with her tonight, I got goosebumps thinking about all she is going to experience. The precious, hurt kids she is going to hold and comfort. The death she is going to see and smell. The amazing destruction. I'm confident that the news cannot do it justice.

Please pray for Lindsey. For her safety, health, and especially emotional well being. If you haven't given already, consider giving to Hope for the Hungry. I can assure you that your money will be used for good.

Week Two

This week has been much better than last week. I'm still not 100% back in the swing of things, probably not even 85%, but I'm getting there.

I'm learning a lot about babies, mommas, and even dads. We start clinicals next wednesday. I'm SO nervous about it. I still don't know exactly where I will be, we'll find out tomorrow, and I think once I find out I'll be able to calm myself a little. I really don't think I'm going to enjoy pedi at all. Just thinking about having to hurt a cute, sweet, precious lil kiddo makes me cringe. The first time a kid cries I think I might cry with them, and just say "i'm so sorry" over and over again. Here's the thing: I don't like hurting adults either, but with them, you can at least explain (if they don't already understand) that you are doing this to help them, not hurt them. Babies don't understand that, they just hate you. Babies hating me feels like a nightmare to me, I think just because I love them so much. Maybe I'll love it...we'll see.

Well, this is boring. All I'm talking about is school, I suppose because that's all I'm doing.

On Saturday Kels and I are going to look for her wedding dress. I'm excited about that. I love Kelsey and wedding dresses, so really, there's no way it could be bad.

I'm also happy to report that Kenz and I have gone walking and running several times and have not had another trip and fall incident. The weather has been SO great, I can't help but want to be outside. I'm so over cold weather.

This has been sufficiently random.

Bye for now.

Still adjusting

I'm having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. This week has been tough. I'm excited about this semester, don't get me wrong, I think it's going to be great. I just need to get used to waking up early, sitting in class for hours and hours, and then studying when I get done with all that. I'm also really missing Andrew. It's been a hard adjustment for me, going from seeing him every day for a little over 2 weeks, to not at all. It will get better, I'm just being wimpy right now because of all the changes.

Today when I was running with Kenzie a bird freaked her out and she tripped me big time. So much that I fell on top of her in front of these guys grilling and drinking beer in their driveway. They laughed at me and I wished I had a vicious doberman or pit bull I could sic on them. Too bad I'm the girl that trips over her dog who is afraid of birds. Awesome. It was funny after I got away from the annoying men, because really, what kind dog is afraid of birds? Mine.

Only one more day of school until the weekend. And tomorrow we are just practicing our new found skills on baby dolls and mannequin kids. Should be fun.

2009 in pictures

To celebrate my last day of no school, and thus my last day to have time to do these sorts of things, here are some of the highlights of every month in pictures.

January:

Celebrating Leslie's 21st birthday in Austin. A bunch of fun people that love Leslie came, and it was way fun. This is a picture of Leslie being a diva on her bday. Love her.

February:

In February Mark ran a marathon, and we went to watch him. He did really good, and even though it was freezing outside, it was fun.

March:

Leslie, Kelsey and I went to Fossil Rim during spring break and saw some pretty adorable animals. Kelsey was in heaven (see her smile in the mirror).

April:

These are my sweet, wonderful RAs. Last semester I spent so much time with them and they were my family. I love them a lot. In April we had a party, ate way too much food, bowled, and then Rob and I rock climbed. They are fantastic.

May:

Two for this month. First: Choir tour. had a great time in New Mexico with those crazies up there jumping on the mountain. Second: Chels and I went to Arkansas to visit these cute crazies.

June:

Julie and I moved into our house. It was an exciting, fun time.

July:

My cousins and I hung out in July. I had missed them so much, and it was really great to hang out with them. Love them. A lot.

August:

Andrew and I went to Biloxi, Mississippi during one of my visits to New Orleans. Even though we went out to practically the middle of the ocean and the water only came up to our knees, it was fun. Really, any time we spend together is fun though.

September:

Happy birthday Kelsey!! This fun group of people went to Austin to celebrate Kelsey's birth. It was a great time.

October:

Andrew and I went to a Hornet's preseason game and basically sat on the court. It was awesome to see how huge the players are, and pretty shocking actually. Although the Mavs will always be my #1 team, I will like the Hornets and Saints for Andrew.

November:

Two for November also, because both of these things were too happy to pass up. First: Finishing my first semester of clinical with my wonderful clinical group. Second: Thanksgiving with that guy.

December:

Christmas with all of these wonderful people. So happy.

Twenty Ten

I hadn't said it out loud until now. And it sounds pretty space agey. I'm not that old, but still, typing out 2010 is just a little strange for some reason.

2009 was a pretty interesting year over all. I grew up a lot, and changed a lot. I think if I was to write about anything, that would be it. If I were to write about my year, I would include how I learned that self reliance is definitely not the best, or easiest way to live. I realized my need to let go of some control and grow more dependent on the love of God. Overall, I think I did that. Doing that meant undergoing a few of my saddest moments. I felt alone a few times in 2009, but am confident that because of that loneliness, I was forced to learn and experience how much greater the comfort and love of the Father is than any person. Looking back now, during those sad, lonely moments, I wanted nothing more but to be comforted and move on. But that didn't happen. I wasn't able to push away this hurt like I have gotten so good at doing my entire life. So, I hurt. And yeah, it hurt. I cried more tears this year than I have in all my 20 years. But those tears and that hurt brought me to a greater, more peaceful life. It's a learning process, this letting go of control thing, but it's better than before. Before I started writing this, I read over my past two new years posts. Last year I wrote about how I desire to live in a way that shows that I believe God can restore. I didn't lay out any black and white goals, but I did mention that I wanted to forgive. Reading over that, I see how I have grown. I guess I didn't grow in a way that I really accomplished all that I wanted to when I wrote that a year ago. But at this point, that isn't the point. Last year I was way too dependent on what I need to do. Right now, I'm at peace with where I am, what I am doing, and how I'm being grown. I've experienced love more than ever recently by letting go a little, and that has brought me to a new level of spirituality that I am so very grateful for.

If you noticed at the beginning of that paragraph I wrote "If I was to write about my year..." I did that with the intentions of writing a little 2009 blurb, talking about my happiest moments, and maybe adding a few pictures. As you can see, that turned into much more. I still would like to do 2009 in pictures at some point, but that will have to wait, for the sake of you and me.

I'm excited about this year. I'm excited about life, and so thankful for love.