Twenty Ten

I hadn't said it out loud until now. And it sounds pretty space agey. I'm not that old, but still, typing out 2010 is just a little strange for some reason.

2009 was a pretty interesting year over all. I grew up a lot, and changed a lot. I think if I was to write about anything, that would be it. If I were to write about my year, I would include how I learned that self reliance is definitely not the best, or easiest way to live. I realized my need to let go of some control and grow more dependent on the love of God. Overall, I think I did that. Doing that meant undergoing a few of my saddest moments. I felt alone a few times in 2009, but am confident that because of that loneliness, I was forced to learn and experience how much greater the comfort and love of the Father is than any person. Looking back now, during those sad, lonely moments, I wanted nothing more but to be comforted and move on. But that didn't happen. I wasn't able to push away this hurt like I have gotten so good at doing my entire life. So, I hurt. And yeah, it hurt. I cried more tears this year than I have in all my 20 years. But those tears and that hurt brought me to a greater, more peaceful life. It's a learning process, this letting go of control thing, but it's better than before. Before I started writing this, I read over my past two new years posts. Last year I wrote about how I desire to live in a way that shows that I believe God can restore. I didn't lay out any black and white goals, but I did mention that I wanted to forgive. Reading over that, I see how I have grown. I guess I didn't grow in a way that I really accomplished all that I wanted to when I wrote that a year ago. But at this point, that isn't the point. Last year I was way too dependent on what I need to do. Right now, I'm at peace with where I am, what I am doing, and how I'm being grown. I've experienced love more than ever recently by letting go a little, and that has brought me to a new level of spirituality that I am so very grateful for.

If you noticed at the beginning of that paragraph I wrote "If I was to write about my year..." I did that with the intentions of writing a little 2009 blurb, talking about my happiest moments, and maybe adding a few pictures. As you can see, that turned into much more. I still would like to do 2009 in pictures at some point, but that will have to wait, for the sake of you and me.

I'm excited about this year. I'm excited about life, and so thankful for love.