I worked on the hospice unit today at work. I've worked there several times before and have gotten to know some of the patients. One of my favorite patients ever (I know that's not supposed to ever come out of a nurse's mouth, but I'm just being honest here) is a sweet old man with parkinsons disease. The first time I met him was when he needed some help putting on his sweatshirt. While I carefully lifted his frail arms into the arm holes he talked about his love of music. He spoke in a way that made me really understand how much he loved it. I mean, this guy loves his music. He told me about how he used to be a handsome young singer in a band and wanted to show me pictures but I didn't have the time to look.

He was disappointed but understood. I went back during my lunch break and he lit up, showed me countless pictures of the younger him.

He was handsome.

As we flipped through I learned about him, his lovely wife, and their cute babies. After my lunch break was over and I had to get back to work he went out and serenaded some of the other patients in the dining area.

That sweet man.

Today when I got my assignment I was so excited to see him. After taking report I went and knocked on his door.

All I could hear was music coming from the small radio propped up by his bed.

I walked in slowly and saw him staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Hey, stranger!" I said.

He looked and me and tried to speak but nothing came out. He moved his lips and strained his neck.

Nothing.

My heart broke.

Just 3 weeks ago this man was singing loudly in the dining room and now he cant speak.

I tried to ask him yes or no questions, but I think he was too confused to understand.

I saw one of the pictures he had shown me just weeks before. I picked it up and said "look at that handsome man and his pretty lady!"

He stared at it and closed his eyes.

I turned his music up a little, patted him on the shoulder and left the room

hoping he was dreaming of better days.

holgafun

I got Andrew a holga camera for Christmas. We had fun taking pictures with it. I want to show you some of the results.

Andrew's dad found a cow skull!

sweet pooch.

It's so fun! I love the quality of the photos. So old and neat looking. I'm excited to take lots more pictures with it in the future.

In other news, a new Crosby graced the earth with her presence today.

Beautiful baby girl. Crosbys make such pretty babies.

Welcome, sweet Sophia Mae. We're glad you're here and we love you!

Day dreaming

Even though my body is in Temple, TX studying on my couch, my mind is ^there dreaming about what is going to be one of the best days of my life.

I cannot wait.

It's going to be awesome.

Wonderfully unexpected

4:30 am, my quiet phone alarm buzzes against my pillow. I hit snooze but get up before it goes off again because I'm afraid it will wake up Julie.

Shuffling into the kitchen to make coffee I rub my tired eyes begging them to stay open.

I put some instant oatmeal in the microwave and proceed with getting ready for a day.

This was my second week on my leadership rotation on the surgical ICU.

Finally there is some consistency to what I am doing. Oh how I love consistency.

I love walking onto the unit in the morning and saying "goodmorning ____" and having them return my sleepy hello. I'm loving the consistency. I'm making friends with the doctors, nurses, cath lab people, techs. Consistency rocks.

However, the day in the life of a nurse can usually be described as the opposite of consistent.

Most moments are unexpected.

Especially on the ICU.

I've seen several codes.

I've stood there wide eyed praying silently for God to make their heart start beating again.

Sometimes he does. Sometimes not.

No matter how much I plan my day, stuff happens. Traumas. Codes. Patients in emotional crisis.

This week was no exception.

For a person who loves consistency so much, this profession full of inconsistency sure does bring me so much joy.

Because not all the unexpected moments are patients leaving us.

There are ones that make come backs no one would have dreamed would happen.

Moments like quietly sitting with a crying 90 year old woman with a broken hip and a failing heart reminding her how strong she is. How beautiful she is.

Hearing a patients first words after being taken off the ventilator.

Seeing husbands comfort their sick wives by just being there.

Watching families gather around a hospital bed holding hands and praying.

In these unexpected moments I take a deep breath, fill my lungs, and say thanks to the one who orchestrates it all.

Consistency is nice but there is beauty in the unexpected.

Valentine

Valentines day is such a great holiday.

I hear so much blah blah blah from people hating on it because of "it's just an excuse for hallmark to make money..to sell chocolate..blah blah blah".

That's not how I see it.

It's a day dedicated to showing love. How in the world can that be bad?

Yesterday I spent probably around 3/4ths of the day dreaming of future valentines day. I'm all for living for the present, but yesterday the future seemed much more desirable.

I thought about how I would make a cute multi colored heart garland at the end of January, and hang it in our living room. Then probably leave it there for a few months, just cause.

Source

I dreamt of waking up early to make my sweetie and I heart shaped pancakes.

Source

I decided that I would fill up bowls of conversation hearts. (oh, wait. that actually happened)

Source

My mind wandered to making handmade valentines with my littles for their friends.

Source

I couldn't stop thinking of ways to make next year special.

Source

It was fun.

When I wasn't in dreamland I had fun, too! Kinda. My capstone group went on a valentines day lunch date to discuss our project.

I sat through 2.5 hours of invigorating discussion about texas nursing legislature at the texas nursing association district 7 meeting. Fluffy delicious valentines day cookies were provided though, so that made it all worth it...gosh those cookies...so good.

I drew this for Andrew during the meeting.

After the meeting I went on a double date to eat sushi with 3 of my beautiful nursing friends.

I stuffed myself silly with fish. Oh boy, it was goooood.

Overall it was a special day. Even if all I would have done was dream about the future it would have been special.

Just because thats how love is.

It makes days happy and full of special-ness.

Home is wherever I'm with you

A while back Andrew and I decided that if we ever have a tv show about us this would be our theme song.

Since the chance of us having a tv show isn't extremely great (I mean, anything is possible but I'm just being realistic here) I've decided to just go ahead and make it our theme song anyway.

Home is wherever I'm with you.

I love that.

It's true.

Happy valentines day.

Show someone some love.

2 months ago today

Will it get old if I remind you guys every month of how many months its been since the favorite day of my life happened?

I hope not. Because it's so fun to remember. I still have the butterflies and the sliding down rainbows feeling. I really don't think it's going to go away.

It's been 2 months since Andrew asked me to be his wife.

Oh, boy. Time has flown by. It can keep on flyin' too because I cannot wait.

Anyway, I'm way too excited. And that's all I have to say about that.

You know what else I'm excited about? A few things:

Leslie made a surprise visit. It was so good to see this beautiful face:

We got another "snow day". It's actually just a whole bunch of ice...a whole bunch. My dedicated nursing friends and I traveled for 2 hours to Hillcrest this morning only to get there and find out that our faculty didn't show...so we made the trek back. It was so cold. SO. COLD. I had to put gas in the car, but the little gas door thingy was sealed shut with ice. I carefully walked into the gas station and got a cup of hot water...which did the trick. BUT, the wind was blowing so hard that it blew the gas pump out of the car. It was crazy. The wind was so cold that it made my whole body hurt. I got back in the car and screamed for a few seconds.

That turned into quite the tangent. Mostly I was just trying to tell you that I'm excited to have the day off.

Oh, also. Andrew visits TOMORROW. Perfect timing for our 2 month engagaversary.

Yeah, it's cheesy.

I'm okay with that.

Today is one of those days where being apart from the one that I like the most in life is really really hard.

I know that in a short 132 days I'll get to be with him forever, but that's not making it easier today.

It's partly due to the fact that I'm an emotional girl who misses her fiancé, but also because this is a day that I can imagine spending with him, and loving every moment.

I'm tired of doing it like this, and I voice that quite frequently to the patient one on the other end of the phone probably thinking "well, what do you want me to do about it?". He always responds sweetly and assuringly. And then I remind myself to cherish these moments.

Cherishing these moments can be hard, most of the time it's not because I'm surrounded by so many people that I love, and love me back so very well. It's just hard some days, like today.

So, I'm choosing to cherish them because I know that these days are going to be sweet memories someday soon. Memories of endurance and patience. Memories of counting down the days until we get to see each other again. (6! in case you were wondering).

I hope when we get to be together all the time our time is just as sweet as it is when we get to be together now.

Because, man, it's so great.

I'm super in love with this guy.

Snow day...for real!

Last night around 9:15 I was at my friend's apartment working on fun school work when we hear boys running around yelling like banshees (When it snows at UMHB, if an outsider came in they might wonder if they had come to a "special college" where they let in "special people". People loose their minds at the sight of snow). Anyway, I pull myself away from the invigorating work of my professional portfolio to look out the window to see what's going on. Guess what I see?

Beautiful little white flakes falling from the sky!

Oh, it was a marvelous sight.

I drove home, watched some Grey's with Juju and went to bed (I was so tired yesterday due to the aforementioned coffee ice-cream situation).

This is what I woke up to:

REAL snow. At least a few inches. It's so pretty.

Julie made french toast for breakfast and mmmmm it was deeeelicious.

Today is going to be a pajamas, movies, and coffee kind of day. I'm going to forget about everything I have due on Monday and go into this magical little world where it snows and people don't have to work or go to school.

Hope you have snow much fun today!

EDIT:

Snow day??

Tonight while Becca and I were working on our professional portfolio I got a serious craving for ice cream.

It's 16 degrees outside, and I am one of the most cold natured people on the planet.

Don't ask me why I was craving ice cream. Crazy things happen in life sometimes.

Anyway, we went to walgreens and I got some coffee ice cream. It was delicious.

All of that was to explain why I'm up at 1:15 typing a blog post.

Coffee ice cream.

Today UMHB closed down the campus because of rolling power outages. However our nursing class got the privilege to stay until 4:30pm reviewing NCLEX questions. Campus was deserted, and we were left in the dark learning about the kaplan "decision tree".

We made the best out of circumstances:

Please take a moment to really look at those pictures. See all the crowns?

Any time during the monotonous 8 hour class that I started feeling like slamming my head through the wall I would just look around and smile.

It was UMHB's birthday today and (before the entire campus closed) they were serving taquitos and cupcakes by candle light in the SUB.

There was also a clown making balloon hats in the dark...not really something you encounter every day. Or something you would necessarily WANT to encounter EVER.

Anyway, they were giving out crowns, and balloon accessories. So our class took advantage.

And I am so glad.

Happy snow day,

ice day,

black out day,

Normal boring day of class!