Update on life (stream of consciousness)

What a vague, boring title.

It serves as a warning to what this post is going to be like, though.

So take heed.

I'm not sure how many of you out there are actually interested in an update on my life. But since I like to look back and see where I was, how I was feeling, and what was really going on in my life, I'm kind of writing this for me too. At least typing that makes me feel better about venting on my life.

Here we go...

I'm discouraged about jobs. I know, I know, it's late March. It doesn't seem like May is that close, but it is! 30 days away, in case you were wondering.

Thankfully I don't HAVE to have a job by May because I don't move to New Orleans until after the wedding in July.

Anyway, I'm discouraged.

After getting rejected for 2 jobs I applied for without even hearing ANYTHING back from either of them, it hit me.

This is not going to be a gimme like I've thought all these years.

People have always told me after hearing that I'm going into nursing "OHHH YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FIND A JOB ANYWHERE, DOING ANYTHING YOU WANT!"

The facts: That is not true. At least not now.

Blah blah blah, lets not get into that talk "ohhh, the economy these days..."

Because first of all, I don't know a darn thing about the economy except everyone says its bad and only going to get worse. And second, I'm just turned off by all of it. It's depressing and pessimistic and annoying, That's all.

I talked with a nurse recruiter in New Orleans this week. While she was kind and helpful, she was not encouraging.

She told me that the job market for new grads in New Orleans "is impossible". My stomach sank after that conversation. I didn't give up hope. Sure, I might have called Andrew and cried and then dreamt scary dreams about not being able to pay back my student loans and loosing all of my teeth because I can't afford to go to the dentist. (I know, messed up right?! I can't afford to go to the dentist now and my teeth are fine. Maybe my dreams are taking into account my future filled with powdered sugar covered beignets).

Anyway, I'm not giving up hope, I'm still going to apply for jobs. It's just not how I thought it was going to be.

Things always work that way, and they always turn out, but I still can't trust because I have my own plans dangit!

Andrew calls me stubborn. I fight him on that sometimes.

Does that mean I'm stubborn?

Probably.

Want to know my "plan"? Since it doesn't matter at all and the Lord will do what He wants? My plan as of tonight is to apply for positions that I want even though I don't have the required 2-3 years RN experience that they are asking for. We'll see how that goes. I'll keep you updated.

If you're thinking of me, pray that I would be content with what God has in store for my career. I've had high hopes and big dreams and it's quite hard realizing they probably aren't going to happen right when I want them to.

Other than that, right now my life consists of studying (surprise, surprise) and trying to finish this blasted capstone project.

My wonderful group working hard tallying thousands of surveys. (I told them to look like you're working hard...that's what Lisa and Becca gave me).

I didn't even come home last night because we had so much to do. I was gone from my apartment for almost 36 hours straight.

April 8th is when the project is due. April 15th is our symposium for it.

After that it will be smooth sailing to graduation.

Until then, my group and I have capstone dates every day. Just the kind of dates I've been dreaming of.

At around 7pm today after staying up all night, taking (and doing miserably on) two tests, and not eating dinner because we were bound and determined to get things done, Brittany said "I need to do something." She got up from her chair and began doing this (and Becca followed suit). I'm lucky to have such a good group of people to work with.

Upside-down stress therapy.

So thats that.

If you read all of that nonsense, I applaud you and apologize.

Saturday Snapshot

Around this time last year I was eating a whole bunch of crawfish with a whole bunch of fun people in New Orleans.

Around this time next year, I'll be doing the same thing.

Excited about my new home .

And crawfish...

How my grandma made me cry

Life is full of moments. Sometimes those moments take you by surprise.

That happened to me one night during spring break.

A moment took me by surprise, left me holding back the tears, and searching for any words to say.

I was driving back to my grandparents house after celebrating my cousin Ryan's birthday party at my aunt's house. It was just my grandma (nama) and I in the car. And she was TALKING. I assure you that you have never met a lady that can chat more than this woman.

She loves. to. talk. Always has and probably always will. Her love of talking has increased since she started having some memory problems. Most of the time it's pretty entertaining and fun but for some reason that night I had just had enough.

I hate to say that I got impatient with her sweet little crazy soul, but I did.

I has resulted to "mmhmms" "yeahs" and head nods. I left the engaging, interested Allye at my aunts house.

That satisfied her though. She just kept on truckin'.

Ohhh the random things that come out of her mouth!

Something she said caught my attention though.

She said "boy! I am just SOOOOOO lucky" (if you have ever met my nam, you know that I am not exaggerating the SOOOOOOO because she looooves to carry ooooout her ooooooo's).

I asked her why she said that.

"Said what?" she asked.

"Why did you say that you're SOOOOO lucky, Nam?"

Then she proceeded to rock my world with a deepness that I didn't know she was still capable of.

She talked about how much she loves my grandad. She told me that he is her forever friend, forever love, forever everything.

Cue: lump in my throat, and welling up tears.

She went on to say "love like that makes every day better, no matter what happens in the day, he makes it better".

All I could do was drive, staring blankly at the road while trying not to blink because I knew the second my eyelid shut, the tears would come. I didn't want her to see me cry, because I knew it would confuse her.

I was thinking about how sweet and patient my grandad is with her. Even when she says the same thing or asks the same questions 50 times, he loves her and it's so evident.

He makes her days better.

She's right. She is lucky.

And I was reminded once more, so am I.

And that, my friends, is the story of how my nama made me cry.

Then and now

Yep, I'm going from only doing Saturday Snapshots to two posts in one day. Don't get used to it, I just have a lot to talk about.

I got to hang out with my cousins some before I headed to new orleans and it was so fun to spend time with them. My grandparents have about a million and two pictures of all of us growing up. There is a huge built in bookshelf in their house specifically for photo albums starting in the late 60s and going until about 2009. We went through some albums while we were all in town.

It was so fun to look at and remember.

We laughed so much.

I loved getting to spend time with them. It's refreshing to remember happy times as a kid. We had some awesome adventures, even if half of them were imagined in our grandparent's backyard.

Bear with me as I reminisce, won't you?

Us then:

Um, could I magically be that tan in 3 months for my wedding, please? Seriously, I do not look like a white kid there.

buster was such a good sport.

Us now:

oh, and here are a couple examples of how my grandma thinks sunscreen should be applied. I remember getting older and learning that you're supposed to rub in sunscreen, not just glob it on your skin for "maximum protection". I guess this is coming from the lady who told us that marshmallows were going to come out of our ears if we watched too many cartoons, and not to swallow watermelon seeds because a watermelon tree (do those even exist?) will grow in our bellies, and that we'll become instantly blind if we look at the sun for longer than 3 seconds. HA.

Thanks for putting up with all of that. It was fun...for me.

Stay tuned for a story about how my grandma made me cry.

Preparing

This part of life that I'm in is so weird sometimes.

I go to New Orleans and get these tiny tastes of what real life is going to be like in a couple of months and gracious, it's wonderful. Then I have to say goodbye, hold back tears through airport security, and come back to school only to begin counting down the days until I get to see him again.

It can get frustrating, yes. But one thing that I have really loved through all of this is the amount that I cherish Andrew and I's time together.

It's so fun to be together.

Seriously. It never gets old.

It's my favorite thing to do.

Andrew working on his fantasy baseball, while I watch.

I got a little sidetracked there...

Back to my point of how this season of life is strange.

I'm preparing for a wonderful life with the one I love, but at the same time having to focus on finishing my degree, find out what hospital I should work at, call about internships (which by the way, do not exist in NOLA), apply for jobs, and try and prepare to move away from all the familiarity Texas holds for me.

I'm not complaining at all. I truly could not be happier with where I am in life, and where I am going, I'm just sayin' that it's weird.

Preparing for a life that I have never really dreamt about coming true is strange.

I mean, hello, I'm getting married to the best man on earth on a freakin' boat off the coast of HAWAII. Tell me how I am supposed to believe that this is REAL?!

I'm getting to move to a fun, awesome, culture soaked city to be a nurse after I GRADUATE college in 45 days. I'm moving in with my best friend, who will then be my HUSBAND.

a pretty new orleans building.

pinch me.

It's all too good to be real.

But the really great part about it all is that it is real.

enjoying a gourmet popsicle in the quarter.

It's so real and it's so perfect.

Saturday Snapshot(s)

I didn't intend for Saturday Snapshot to become my only blogging outlet, I just haven't had the chance to do much of anything else. I promise I'm coming back soon.

I have had such a great trip. Allie left on Thursday, which has left Andrew and I not sure what to do now that we don't have anyone to entertain. Thus, we have watched a lot of tv, made pizza, and eaten pb&j. We crammed as much New Orleans as we could into the 3 or so days Allie was here with us. It was so fun. I'll tell you more about it later, but here are a couple of snapshots of our great time (all consisting of allie with various new orleans food items):

Crabby Jacks.

Elizabeth's dream burger. Andrew and I want to move to the neighborhood where Elizabeths is, I'm concerned for our health if we make that move.

Cafe Du Monde.

Now I am laying on the couch drinking coffee with a stuffed up nose and sore throat watching Andrew ponder his fantasy baseball draft picks, or something like that.

Real life.

Loving it.

Saturday Snapshot(s)

I'm on my way to new orleans with this beautiful gal,

to see this handsome fella!

Planning on thoroughly enjoying my last spring break ever. If you get a spring break, I hope you do the same. If not, well, I hope you enjoy your normal week. We'll eat some beignets for you.

Love.

Saturday Snapshot

I was remembering when I used to do a weekly feature called "saturday love". It got too cumbersome though because it entailed so much writing. Maybe when I graduate from nursing school in 9 weeks I'll have more time to do such things, but for now I thought this idea that I got from yellow songbird blog would be really fun.

This is a picture from about a year ago this week, on Robyn and I's adventure of a lifetime to Costa Rica. This was one of my favorite times of the day in Costa Rica. Sitting on the beach watching the sunset and the people. I love that you can see their footprints in the sand, that they are both looking out at the beautiful ocean, and that the surfer closest to the water has a prosthetic leg! I didn't notice it until I got home from the trip and was looking at the photos more carefully. So awesome.

How this week has made me feel:

Tidbits

I like the word tidbits. It's fun and different and unique. I really don't hear it as much as I would like.

I just looked it up in the dictionary and according to my computer a tidbit is "a small piece of tasty food" or "a small particularly interesting item of gossip or information"

So, this blog title is misleading because what I'm about to write is neither of those things.

Just mere ramblings of a girl who misses her boy and has so much to do but doesn't want to do it.

That's all. Here we go...

Today I completed my first application for a real big girl nursing job. I applied for a labor & delivery position at one of the larger hospitals in New Orleans. It's scary and exciting at the same time. It's pretty far in advance so I'm not expecting much, but I at least feel like I've done something.

12 days until I'm in New Orleans with one of my best pals visiting Andrew for Spring Break. Both Andrew and I are SO very excited to show Allie New Orleans. I'm also very excited for a break from this madness.

I just baked some rockin' chocolate chip cookies. If you know me or have been reading my blog for an extended amount of time, you know I have a low cook-esteem so I'm not one to go around saying I made the best chocolate chip cookies EVER. But really, these were great. Slightly crispy on the outside and a little bit gooey on the inside. Anyway, I'm presenting my inservice to the nurses on my floor tomorrow and I needed a bribe tactic to get them into the break room. If there is anything I've learned from working at a hospital the past 2 years it's that nurses LOVE food. Cookies= people in the break room "paying attention" to me blabbing about surgical infection prevention.

Wedding planning together from a distance hasn't been too difficult for Andrew and I. Mostly because we're flying by the seat of our pants with a good portion of it, and also we're literally flying to Hawaii and getting married on a beach...how much planning is necessary for that? But the parts that we have had to plan have been interesting. Like shopping with Andrew for a shirt to wear via text...

I do not understand the boy sometimes. I love that the only reason he didn't want to try it on is because he didn't want to unfold it. Ha!

I also want to tell you that I got a text message about 5 minutes later that said "if i had to put that back together to save my life you would need to start planning a funeral instead of a wedding."

Ohhh Andrew.

Every time I get a bad attitude these days about school or being away from Andrew, my nursing family has been doing a heck of a job of reminding me that I need to be soaking up every second with this special community we've built. I'm really going to miss them. It's weird because we're not all best friends, most of don't hang out outside of class; but when we're together there is so much laughing and joy and it's just so much fun.

This week is my last week with my compadres on the ICU that have taught me so much. I'm not too sad to say goodbye because it means that I get to stop waking up at 4:30am. I am grateful for my time there though...it's flown by.

All in all, even though I complain about how I just want May to be here, it's going by so quickly.

I'll graduate in 65 days.

Get married in 112 days.

Move to New Orleans in 123 days.

Life is about to change a lot. I couldn't be more excited. But I keep needing to remind myself to soak this part in, too.