Jumble of thoughts

Since writing a blog post sounds so much more interesting than studying right now, I'm going to give in and do it.

As the title of this post suggests, this is going to be a jumble of thoughts. Mostly because that is the way my brain is working at the moment, jumping from one thing to the next, very unsure about most things, but still very active.

Clinicals officially start Wednesday. I could pee my pants I'm so nervous. I'm praying, praying, praying that no more passing out occurs. I had an encouraging conversation with my clinical instructor (Ms. Dixon) on Thursday that eased my nerves a little, but I'm still letting myself get psyched out for some reason. Please, if you think about it Wednesday, pray that I will be able to hold it together and show some patients love in caring for them (and not passing out on them).

Other than the clinical nervousness, school is alright. After these next two weeks I can assure you that I will have a whole different attitude about it. These next two weeks are going to be rough, and I'm feeling pretty confident that if I can make it through them, I'll be good. I'm learning quickly that my brain doesn't function well on 8 hour lecture days, and have started bringing plenty of snacks to class. On a positive note, being with the same people for 8 hours every day really brings you close. We are all anxious for breaks so we can go stand outside on the balcony and chat. That part of the 8 hour lecture days is fun.

I started doing a bible study with some friends (Matt, Dani, Luke, Kelsey, and Amy) a couple thursdays ago. Be Transformed is the title of the study (based on Romans 12 "do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of you mind so that you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will"). So far it has been challenging, refreshing and SO interesting. I have already learned a lot. I hope I can write sometime about it because it really has been great. It's a small group, which I have loved. Dani and Amy are both moms and it's been so neat to be able to listen to them and learn from them, it makes for a great dynamic. My mind needs to be renewed a whole bunch, it's a little ridiculous actually. I'm so not trusting of God's promises.

As of yesterday, circumstantially, I started struggling with some things that I haven't had to deal with in quite a while. I'm not going to go into much detail about it all, just because I don't really want to, or need to. All I'm saying is I have some changing to do in my attitude about handling and dealing with hardships. Anger, although I usually don't see it this way, is on the top of my list of feelings I hate having, but have way too much of. When I wrote this post a whole two years ago (CRAZY!), I think I was feeling the same way. Knowing I have so much in my life that is in need of transformation.

Now that I've gotten that out there, here's some happy news. Andrew stopped by texas for a brief (but great) visit. His great-grandmother turned 100, and he came in town for that incredible celebration. It was great to see him, hard to say bye. If you hadn't figured it out already, that was the goodbye I was whining about yesterday. I really enjoy this guy. It feels a little silly to be telling you how wonderful my boyfriend is on a blog, but I can't resist just because he's that wonderful.

Jumble of thoughts complete? Not nearly. But that covers a good portion of them. I need to study and pass this test in the morning so I'm going to stop now.

I'm going to try and rely on God to be my complete fulfillment this week. That is way more challenging than it should be for me.

Love.