Cheers to you, 2011

So here we are, two weeks into 2011 and I haven't written my new years post.

It's kind of been looming over my head. I've been feeling the need to sit down and reflect on this year, but every time I've started my mind raced somewhere else. Andrew and I kicked off the New Year with some of my favorite friends in Ft. Worth, then headed to New Orleans for some quality time together. Getting back from New Orleans right before school started left my mind scrabbling to get settled, organized, and ready for the monumental last semester. So, there's my excuse for waiting until January 14th to sit down and write.

After typing the word monumental just a second ago I stopped and looked at it, then whispered it a few times. Kenzie looked up at me from her warm cozy place by the fire and gave me this "you're insane" look, which then prompted me to quit talking to myself.

All that to say--typing monumental struck a chord with me.

Because that's really what 2010 was, and what 2011 will be.

I can't possibly type the right enough words to express the happiness I have in me.

I can remember laying in bed as a teenager wondering where God was going to take me, and what was going to happen to my life.

My dreams never placed me in these moments that I'm living now. I didn't even know to dream that big. I hadn't yet grasped what love was.

It sounds silly, I know. How can anyone not understand what love is? But believe me, I've been there. I'm not writing this with the intention of making you feel sorry for me, because it's not always a sad and lonely place to be. In fact, because I had a very vague concept of what love meant I didn't really even know I was missing out on much. I think this is why I catch myself almost every new year thinking and writing about love. I really believe it's because of where I started. Every new year that comes, that word means something a little bit different to me than it did last year, it's always deeper too. It's been a slow journey of learning how relationships with people can help you understand God's love, but also deter you from it. I have many examples of both in my life. It's hard for my inflexible brain to wrap around the concept of God's love and grace; it always will be. But the point is, for me, love is always becoming more meaningful. That's huge. Monumental, even.

2010 was no different. 2010 was a year full of love. Meaningful love.

I'm not just writing about love because of recent events (engagement). While that was indeed a very, ahem, monumental event in my life, what's really significant are the moments leading up to that moment where he knelt down and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Falling in love, learning how to love, and learning how to be loved has been so magnificent. Love was healing in 2010.

Love taught me how to forgive, and look at the good.

Love brought substantial amounts of comfort. This significant kind of comfort that really did me a lot of good.

Love made the bitter sweet.

Love means more to me than it did last year.

See? Told you- monumental.

I have a hunch that I'm going to learn a whole new meaning of love in 2011, too.

I'm excited to see how God teaches me more about his love through being married to Andrew.

It's an exciting adventure, this life we live.

I'm kind of glad that my dreams never put me in these moments that I'm living. I'm glad I didn't even know to dream this big, this good. Because the greatness of these moments, the vastness of this ever growing love keeps taking me by surprise and knocking me off my feet in disbelief. A disbelief that tells me it just can't get any better.

And then it does.