Sad day

This post is going to be a long drawn out, depressing post. It's purpose is purely therapeutic.

Today was a really hard, sad day.

As you all know Annie was sick a couple of weeks ago, and after being put on antibiotics she got better. Well, the day after her antibiotics were out her symptoms came back, except this time they were worse. I tried to stay positive, took her to the vet again, and got her back on meds.

They didn't help this time.

She kept getting worse and worse.

Last night I knew. I knew that I was going to have to say bye to her.

I let her sleep with me. I cuddled her close, pet the super soft spot right between her eyes, down to her little nose, and back up to her speckled ears.

The first thing I told her when I picked her up off the street was "It's okay, I'll protect you puppy."

I found myself telling her the same thing last night.

It's funny, because having her turned me into this softy that thinks animals can understand what I'm saying to them.

Today when we got to the vet I sat in the parking lot and cried while she slept in my lap.

I kept saying "it's going to be okay."

I'm not sure if I was talking to her or myself. Probably both.

I took this picture,

gave her a huge hug, took some deep breaths and went into the vet.

He told me I was doing the right thing, that she was just going to get worse and suffer.

It helped in the moment but when I had to take off her little denim collar with that cute pink name tag on it, the lump in my throat became way to big to deal with.

I started crying and he said he would give me a minute.

I quickly composed myself because crying in front of people (especially people I don't know) is something that I cannot handle.

He came back in to take her because I didn't want to be present when they gave her the shot.

I couldn't say my final goodbye because I was too close to completely loosing it. I pat her head and told the vet thanks as a rushed out the door.

I walked to my car as quick as I could and as soon as the door closed, I sobbed.

After I realized that an old lady in the car next to me was watching me cry, I sucked it up and started to drive home with Annie's collar in my lap.

The rest of the day was pretty much full of me thinking about how much it sucks that I poured myself into this sweet little thing for 3 weeks and now she's just gone. I've never gotten that attached to an animal, and now I know why.

I don't regret it at all. Not one single bit.

Love just hurts sometimes.

She was so precious, sweet, fun, and brought me so much joy in a time that without her would have been much more lonely than it was with her. Having her meant that I had to always think about something else beside myself, and it was good for me.

She was good for me.

I miss her a lot. I'm probably going to wake up around 3 am to take her outside, because that's what she would wake up every morning.

Andrew told me today that he would get me a puppy again some day.

I'm going to hold him to that because having her reminded me how much I love being devoted to something that needs me and loves me.

I'll always remember how awesome she was, as corny as it may sound, I will. She was the best puppy ever.

The cutest, too...