Who let the dogs out

18. A photo of your pets

Technically (sadly, and unfortunately) I do not have any pets at the moment. I never did tell the blogging world that Annie died (again). The poor lil pup just couldn't beat the sickness. She was adorable though and I couldn't help posting a picture of her because I loved her so much.

Kensey is my roommate Julie's dog, but I love her like my own.

Nacho is Andrew's dog, and even though he has a brain the size of a pea I love him too. We're not going to be able to keep him because of his inability to learn to pee outside and the fact we are moving into a nice house. We also wont have a big back yard for him to get his energy out. We'll miss him, but it's for the best.

24 & 23

Yesterday was a hectic day of packing, moving, hanging out with Crosbys, more moving, and going to visit Allie at her sweet breast friends cookout to help her walk the Susan G. Koman Walk for the Cure. Hence, I didn't even touch my computer.

23 days! I'm usually a countdown person, I love thinking that 23 days seems so long and then experiencing how quickly it goes by. Usually I make time much shorter than it is. I'll say to Andrew "only a week until I get to see you" when in actuality it's 10 days. I'm not doing that with the wedding though, it would be to cruel to my excited self.

I am going to New Orleans in 5 days to spend time with the boy and help him set up OUR HOUSE! Crazy. And fun. I am so excited.

24th reason why I love you, Andrew:

I love your laugh. It makes me laugh to hear you laugh and that will never get old. I love that it's something that people notice about you because it really does bring joy to other people. It's also pretty nice of you to laugh at (most of ) my jokes. Thanks for amusing me. I'm grateful I get to hear your laugh for the rest of our lives.

23:

I love your creativity. You have a unique way of viewing the world that I admire. I love that you're creative enough to come up with the strangest, yet most adorable pet names for me. They make me smile, and I'm sure would make others either cringe or tilt their heads in confusion saying "did that guy just call his wife peanut butter puddin' surprise?". I'll always cherish the little creative gems you've given to me throughout our dating years, all of the mixed cds, the hand assembled jewelry, sweet cards, and neat modge podged pictures.

25

25 days until Andrew finally becomes my husband, and I his wife.

Husband and wife.

Those words together have a new meaning to me than they ever have had before.

I have seen marriages.

Beautifully happy ones, as well as violently sad ones.

I have been emerged deep in the loss that divorce causes, and experienced chills and from hearing a old, wise, beautiful woman try to explain to me the depth that the love for her late husband holds.

I remember saying to my friends in high school that I didn't want to ever get married because of the trust it entails, because your heart could be so easily crushed. Loving someone that much didn't make sense to me at that time, all that made sense to me in love was pain. I saw too much pain stem from putting your heart on the line and loving. Why do that to myself?

I've written here before about how my heart as been transformed by love. How it has been a slow, sometimes painful process of realizing that I am not in control. I've talked about how being loved by people throughout this journey of becoming someone who trusts love has brought me to a better, more tangible understanding of God's love.

Trusting love has been a battle for me because love has not always been trustworthy in my eyes.

It's amazing to dwell on that past perception of something that holds such beauty in my eyes now.

Because now, I trust love. I trust that it's beautiful, enriching, fulfilling, and something that we cannot live without.

I also trust that it's painful. It's painful because as humans we have expectations of how we should be loved and those expectations are not always met. It's painful because in life there is loss, heartache, and unexplained hurt. The beauty in the pain though is that it is painful because we trust. When love isn't trusted, there is a numbness to pain because you are expecting for your heart to be crushed. Having been here, as well as there I can say that I would much rather feel pain because of trusting love than be numb because of mistrust and expecting love to fail.

I love (not to wear out that word here) that I feel this way. I believe with all of my heart that God took me through life knowing that I would be laying in the living room of my empty apartment at such a vital transition in my life, dwelling on how I got here, and how everything that has happened in my life has one way or another taught me was true love means (even if it was an experience that taught me what true love isn't).

Trusting love has never come naturally to me, but now it feels as natural as taking my next breath.

In 25 days Andrew and I will dive deep into a life together that I pray is filled with years and years (and years) of the natural love that we already have. I know that our love will grow, but right now as a crazy, head over heels, soon to be bride I don't see how that is possible.

I didn't intend to get carried away with all of that, but I did.

My intention was to tell you that I want to remember this time of feeling so much genuine trust in love, and loving Andrew in a unique way before marriage by telling a reason each day leading up to our marriage of why I love him like I do.

25 days isn't going to be enough to tell all the reasons, but I think this will be a fun way for me to remember (and remind him) each day how truly privileged I feel to get to spend forever with him.

Andrew, 25 days until I'm your wife:

I love you because your kind, gentle, patient love towards me has taught me to trust like never before.

16. A photo of you at the last party you went to.

Hm. I'm not much of a party goer. I think the last party I went to was for my birthday/bachelorette party. It was an amazing weekend full of celebration. So many of my sweet, wonderful friends came into town which is a sure fire way to make it super special.

and cause I love 'em....

Love, sweet love.

15. A photo of you and someone you love.

Well, this one is a given.

27 days until we're together forever.

Cannot wait.

Faaaaamily

14. A photo of your favorite family members

Andrew, being my immediate family and my favorite human in the whole wide world is my "favorite family member". I have to say my cousins too though because they are my blood, and my best friends/worst enemies growing up...that's what family is about.

13. A photo of you and your best friend(s)

12. A photo of you

I don't particularly enjoying posting photos of myself on my blog. Any time this photo challenge calls for such a thing though, I turn to my photo booth where I have been trying to document my hair changes since the big chop last 2 Septembers ago. It's fun to see how your hair changes (for me).

This photo, however, was taken on the happiest day of my life thus far. When I got back to the dorm after Andrew asked me to be his wife, Maddie and Christi came up to my room and talked, giggled, squealed, stared at my ring, tried on my ring, and hugged me a lot. It was a special time. After they left I felt like I should shower because I was still feeling shameful for looking like crapola during one of the most important moments ever. After I got out of the shower I saw my ring laying on the counter and I cried some of the happiest tears I've ever cried and then took this picture.

This is the face of pure joy and excitement (with puffy cry eyes):

11. A photo of your favorite film(s)

I have 4 favorite movies. I could watch any of these movies any day. The first three are my true favorites. The music in them is fantastic which is why I think I love them so much. They are all three quirky, sweet, and about love in some way.

The last one is random, but I will never get tired of this movie. It makes me laugh every single time. I quote this movie in my head at least once a week. When it first came out my brother Austin and I probably watched it a solid 30 times or so...

10. A photo of you as a baby

I had a difficult time choosing between these two because they are both equally funny.

The first one I am such a CHUNK and it's cute. Plus my Aunt Sheila's earrings are rockin'. Double chins and chubby fingers...

And this one because I am in spaghetti induced coma/confused as to why everyone is singing. I love the dish towel that my grandma turned into a bib, and the bright yellow highchair.

9. A photo of your family

A Christmas tradition in the Crosby household is to crowd surf the babies in front of the Christmas tree. I think it's awesome, and Andrew and I have debated how long we're going to surf Simon. I hope until he's at least 13.

This year we'll have 3 babies to surf. Not sure how we're going to manage.

Love them.

8. A photo of your favorite band/musician

My favorite band/musician changes at least once a week, if not daily. However, one that always remains up there on the list is Eisley. I think it helps that I've seen them live a couple of times too and it's always such a fun show.

This picture is from 2008, when my bffs Monica and Danielle bought tickets to celebrate my birthday. It was so much fun.

I do have to admit though that I didn't buy their most recent album because the album preview on itunes left me slightly depressed. It's just SO SAD. I can take sad music, but literally every single song is about lost love and failed relationships.

I just couldn't take it.

So I stick to Trolly Wood, because that song is just so cute.

Big day

I signed up to take the biggest test of my life yesterday.

That might be a dramatic choice of words, but the NCLEX is a very big deal.

You see, if I pass I am an RN (registered nurse).

If I don't pass I'm just BSN (bachelors of science in nursing).

BSN doesn't really have that much significance without the RN.

Sure, I could probably find something to do but I couldn't be a nurse with out those two letters.

So, the NCLEX is a big deal, and I'm taking it June 17th at 8am.

That's one reason why yesterday was memorable. Another is because I booked my final flight to visit the Mr. before I become the Mrs. It was so exciting to think about not having to plan out trips to see each other anymore.

No more distance.

That makes my heart leap just typing it.

Gracious, I can't wait.

It's getting to the point where the time we have left is just becoming frustrating. I miss him. He misses me (I think). We know we're going to be together SO SOON, but dangit, it's not coming soon enough.

I know I will probably write a blog 2 days before I leave to go to Hawaii something that goes a little like this "oh my gosh i cannot believe it's HERE!!"

But for now, it's dragging like a person's leg that has steppage gait because of a CVA. (sorry, too much NCLEX review in one day).

Monday begins my crazy babysitting schedule. I would say that by the end of this month I am going to be so tired of babies, but I really don't think that could ever happen. I'm hoping that once Monday hits this month will start flying by.

Photo Challenge...it's back!

I neglected the photo challenge when things got hectic, but it's back full force! (maybe)

7. A photo of someone you love.

My redneck abraham lincoln memorial:

love him.

Feelings

Laundry is in washer/dryer,

wedding dress is altered and back in my possession,

loan counseling completed,

random UMHB bookstore purchases made (coffee cup and blanket to remember my times in college).

It has been a productive day so far.

I started to work out again, and my determination to get fit for this summer quickly faded. With each jumping jack and push up all I could think about was the strawberry cream cheese cupcake recipe I read earlier this morning.

I finally called it quits after a grueling 5 minutes.

Sheesh, what a joke.

Let's talk about graduation.

The pinning ceremony was sweet and special. It was a great time to celebrate just as a nursing family. My wonderful family was there and that made it so much sweeter. I wish I had pictures, but I have not yet stolen them from the various people who took them that night.

Graduation day was also fun. I loved getting to cheer for the people who have stood by me the past 4 years. My nursing class made a point to cheer for every person in our class and it was the greatest thing to walk across that stage hearing the cheers for me.

I must admit, the whole day was a bit euphoric and I can't put my finger on the exact feelings I had.

Mixed emotions about it all are still ensuing but the general feeling is excitement and happiness.

Thoughts on "growing up".

I honestly don't feel too different at this point. I'm babysitting this entire month which is usually the job of a highschooler, which could be why I don't feel like a college graduate.

In my eyes I've been a grown up for a long time, paying bills, owning a car, taking care of myself. Even though I have had all of these grown up responsibilities for a long while I still have a good amount of transitioning to do.

I'm grateful that I've already made a few of the big transitions that most people are making at this point in their lives because I think it will make my other changes much easier to deal with.

I will be a wife in 41 days, which seems like a long time because I am impatient and antsy about it all, but it really isn't.

A week after that I will move out of Texas for the first time in my 22 years of life.

I'll set up my first home, and be partially responsible for making sure another human eats beside myself. Which means no more left over ramen and broccoli.

I'll hopefully have a full time job sometime after that.

A job in which people's lives will be in my hands.

I also have an awful lot of loans to pay off. I've only had one nightmare about it so far.

I'm ready for all of these changes, but that doesn't go without saying that it's a little bit daunting.

I said yesterday in our marriage counseling that the excited feelings definitely outnumber the scared ones, but they are still there.

I'm so thankful to have a supportive, loving man by my side doing his best to make all of these changes easier. He encourages me daily and loves me so well.

How did I get so lucky?

Out of all of these feelings and emotions these changing days have brought, the biggest one I'm feeling is love.

It's the best thing ever.

Life

Wow.

What a whirlwind past couple of weeks it has been!

Tonight will be my 2nd night to sleep in my own bed in almost 3 weeks I think.

Here's a brief, random, perhaps confusing update on my life:

Lots of good things going on over here.

I graduated, for one.

Which is just crazy, wonderful, and has definitely not sunken in fully quite yet.

I already cried from thinking about not coming back to my nursing family next year.

I had a great time celebrating with family and friends for pinning and graduation.

Andrew came in town and I cried like a big baby when I dropped him off at the airport. After two and a half years of doing this I have never cried so hard as I did tonight.

We had our first pre-marital counseling session today, it was interesting and encouraging.

It's amazing to see how God created us specifically for each other.

I'm so in love with that fella.

Still looking for a job, still haven't heard anything back.

41 days until I go to Hawaii to get married.

I started crying out of excitement and anticipation when I thought about tonight on my drive home.

I'm reading Matt Logelin's book Two Kisses for Maddy. Which has surprisingly only made my cry 3 times.

It probably would have been about 6, but I sucked it up on the plane because I was sitting in between two very large men who most likely would have been very uncomfortable with a crying girl between them.

Conclusions you can draw?

I cry a lot.

Seriously, hormones are crazy.

I'll be back with more substance at some point.

After I do about a months worth of laundry.